Wanna Write a "How To Sell" Book?

If you're a sales star and are sick of selling for other people, one upward career path is to become a sales guru and sell your own training. If so, you'll need to write a "how to sell" book. While you can self-publish, there are plenty of big publishers willing to take a chance on the next would-be sales guru. I've written a busine...ss book or two, so if you're thinking of pursuing that path, here's what you need to know:

• It's almost impossible to make minimum wage writing a book. The amount of work is enormously more than the amount of money you'll make in royalties. So don't bother writing a book unless you need it to create credibility.
• Your size of your advance will be proportional to the publisher's commitment to your book. If the advance isn't enormous (i.e. greater than $50,000), you're on the C-list and can't expect any publicity.
• When dealing with a book publisher, first-time authors often want to know what position to take during the royalty negotiations. That's a dumb question, because the publisher has already determined your position for you, which is over a barrel.
• Book publishers are crooks (part 1). They wait six months to pay your royalties, because it lets them earn interest on the float. They pretend it's because it takes that long for booksellers to pay up, which was last true in the 19th century.
• The big imprints all consist of a few old people who make a lot of money and a bunch of recent grads working for peanuts... until they figure out they're being screwed. The young folk are easier to work with, but have no power. The old folk are simply evil, like Judith Regan.
• Book publishers are crooks (part 2). A standard contract clause pays you half royalties if the book sells at a 56 percent discount over list price. Then they jack up the price, give the big bookstores a 60 percent discount, and use your shrunken royalty to pad their profit margin.
• The only way to avoid getting ripped off by a publisher is to publish yourself or (better yet) have a personal friend who owns his own imprint. That's happened to me twice, and the experience was very different than when dealing with the big houses.
• Everybody thinks they should get a free copy of your book. Everybody. They have no idea that publishers traditional send you a paltry 10 copies and expect you to buy any additional copies at the wholesale price.
• Nobody has ever read Chapter 7 of any business book. Book publishers make extra money renting out Chapter 7 to the CIA for secret communication with agents in the field. (OK, I made that up.)
• If you use a case study in your "how to sell" booking how a business should be run, within three years the company will go belly up or the CEO will be arrested for fraud. Or both.
• The big name authors and executives quoted on the back cover haven't read the book. They're blurbing the book because it's free publicity or they owe the author a favor. Full disclosure: I've blurbed several books.
• Every business book must have a catchy short title (preferably two words) and a ridiculously long subtitle. These titles are destined to be considered quaint and silly in fifty years, but publishers currently love them.