Valentine's Gifts That Hit Their Mark
Chocolates and flowers are the old standards on Valentine's Day. But why not shake things up a little this year.
Think outside the chocolate box. This week The Saturday Show gets some tips from Regena Thomashauer, author of "Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way With the World."
Thomashauer also offers advice on how to deal with gifts you receive from your loved one, and insight into what they might mean for your relationship.
What are some of the best gifts for your Valentine — and why?
Thomashauer: Let's start with the best gifts a man can give to a woman. The most knock-your-socks-off gift a man can give to a woman is his attention. This doesn't have to be vastly expensive — it could even be free. For example, he could get a bag of rose petals and sprinkle them around the house or in the bathtub. And, of course, flowers and chocolate always work, but you need to put some thought into the card. Nothing touches a woman more than a man putting pen to paper, perhaps writing a poem. If he wants to spend more money, anything from Tiffany's is great, and lingerie always makes women feel sexy, as long as it's not cotton. Basically, anything that makes her feel beautiful and loved would be a good gift.
As for what a woman should give a man, the best thing you can do is remind your man that he is always fabulous, no matter your age or length of time together. Make him feel sexy! Say, "You are so hot!" It's harder to get men gifts, so the sentiment becomes very important. Send him wine and a candle and tell him, "Bring this over tonight, we're going to have a fabulous date." This will remind him that he's wanted, and he's hot, and it will ensure a little bit of romance. Basically, you want him to feel special, make him feel like he rocks your world. Don't waste too much time on trying to find the perfect gift. He probably won't like it. However, if you do want to buy something, music is good if you know his taste. Guys also love athletic gear even if they are not athletic (it makes them feel athletic.)
If you want to go high end, a great idea is to give your loved one a travel magazine with a bookmark on a page, and plan a surprise trip to that destination. Or you could do the same with a restaurant review.
What are some of the worst gifts you can get your Valentine, and why?
Thomashauer: For either sex, anything practical is horrible. No one wants athletic socks, cotton underwear, an apron, or gardening gloves. It has to be frivolous, romantic, and impractical. You must err on the side of poetry and fun. Don't give someone a pet, and don't give someone something you want.
There are some pretty extravagant gifts out there. Is it necessary to spend so much?
Thomashauer: Any gift works as long as there are no strings attached. If it's given freely, lay millions on me. But if you expect something for giving something, it won't go well, no matter what the price point. Give freely. If you've got it, share it.
What are some of the cheapest presents you've seen people give? What are some good presents that don't cost a lot of money?
Thomashauer: Regifting is bad form. You don't feel good about it, and the other person can smell the stink. Anything housework-related is a bad idea. Also, you don't want to give her things you want, like a 40-inch TV. Inexpensive gifts are fine, but they need to be filled with romance.
What are the implications of giving overly cheap or expensive gifts?
Thomashauer: It's hard to make a relationship recover from a cheap gift. It exposes who you are. Let's say you're trying to impress her and give her a really expensive gift — you might scare her and she might think you're needy. You need to make sure you're not trying to buy attention or pass something off as better than it is.
What should you do if you receive an overly cheap or expensive gift? What about a plain bad gift?
Thomashauer: A good policy is to receive all gifts with graciousness. Think of it like a 2-year-old handing you a mud pie and saying it's a gift. The person was doing the best they could at the moment.
How do you know if you should keep or ditch the giver?
Thomashauer: Follow your instincts. People have good instincts. If it's the first time your partner is cheap, cut them some slack and give them better instructions for the next time. If this is the final nail in the coffin, be prepared to cut your losses and move ahead. Also, consider preparing the person in advance. It's better to train than complain. Leave a big trail of bread crumbs, especially for men, and remember they can't read your mind.