Trouble With Retirement? Get a Job!

Dear Stanley,

I am retired and am upset that your blog only caters to working stiffs! There are plenty of problems out there for retired jerks, maybe even more than for working jerks. What do you intend to do about this oversight?

Signed,

Sidelined But Not Out

Dear Retired Jerk,

You have my sympathy. I know there are problems encountered by those who spend their lives in pointless, lazy indolence ... who aren't senior executives, I mean. Just kidding! Executives are people, too! The fact that their lives basically mirror those of affluent retirees is a fact that won't be mentioned here. It will, however, pop up in November when my new paperback comes out. It's called "How to Relax Without Getting the Axe," and it's a pretty thorough rewrite of my most recent book, which was entitled, "Executricks, or How to Retire While You're Still Working." It was pretty clear to me that since the publication of the hard cover, much has transpired and nobody is going to be retiring voluntarily for quite some time. Our goal must now be to live like executives in these, some of the hardest times since the 1930s. It can be done. But not without my new book by your side.

But enough about me. Let's talk about you. You're retired. You have money issues. You are bored. You have problems with time management. You yearn to be back in the bosom of some organizational entity, because the idea of a life that consists of nothing but golf and healthy food is tedious to you. Hey! I have an idea! Get a job, why don't you? Doesn't have to be much at first, does it? You have nowhere to go but up, and you know what they say: 70 is the new 50.