The ultimate wart remedy

They are said to be the work of the devil.

They itch and spread like wildfire. Doctors try to freeze or burn them - frequently without success. My Granny told me to get a piece of steak and bury it in the garden. You could rub them with a copper coin - an old penny will do. The ultimate cure is to place them in contact with a corpse.

But don't count on any of these revolting remedies. Conventional medicine, folklore and even witchcraft fails to shift these ugly things.

Warts.  

For five years Mr. Sean Murphy, a security guard who lives in the rolling northern English county of Yorkshire, bravely bore the indignity of one painful wart upon his finger. It was just here, middle digit, left hand, growing like a crusty extra knuckle - horrid to behold and embarrassing to own.

Mr Murphy tried to hide it.  But single handed security guards are not in great demand in Yorkshire, so his infected finger was often exposed.  The affliction began to affect his sanity.  He was driven first to drink, then to theft, and finally almost to his own death.   

Sean Murphy's story was related in a recent court hearing. The police charged him with the theft and possession of a shotgun. He claimed he had found it under a hedge near his home and kept it for his own protection.  

Then one sad Spring day, after yet another doctor had prescribed yet another dose of ineffective treatment, Mr Murphy became so depressed with his wart that he started to drink.

Yorkshire beer, I should tell you, may ease pain but if taken excessively it tends to unbalance the mind.   In such a mood, and gazing at his middle finger, Mr Murphy decided to administer his own medicine. He loaded the Beretta shotgun, held out his hand, took aim and fired. 

When the smoke cleared most of his middle finger was missing. He lost his job as a guard, pleaded guilty to theft and narrowly escaped a jail sentence.  But he's a happy man. He hasn't got a wart now.