Should You Manage Like Howard Stern? Probably Not

Like many extraordinarily talented people, Howard Stern is as dysfunctional as they come. But it just so happens that he likes to air his organization's dirty laundry on the air on Sirius XM satellite radio, which is both wildly entertaining (which may or may not be the reason he does it) and provides about the best lesson on how not to manage you'll ever find.

If you think this is so over-the-top that it's lesson-proof, think again. I actually had one or two CEOs who were at least as abusive, although not as disorganized, as Stern is in the interaction below. And I was a terrible manager in my early days at Texas Instruments. Don't believe me? Go ahead, ask some of my former employees; they'll tell you. On second thought, don't do that, it might bring back the trauma.

Anyway, here's a recent knock-down drag-out between Howard Stern and engineer Scott Depace, producer Gary Dell'abate, and Jason (I don't know what Jason does), with a lead-in from Howard 100 newsman Ralph Howard and occasional chime-ins from on-air sidekicks Robin Quivers and Artie Lange.

This is a priceless lesson in how not to manage; see if you can count the management mistakes:

Ralph: "Howard 100 news has the audio tape of negotiations between these two intergalactic warriors, stay tuned ..."

Howard: "What do you mean, you have audio tape of Tim and Riley?"

Ralph: "Absolutely, yes."

Howard: "How come Tim doesn't give that to me? That's top priority!"

Robin: "You have the actual negotiation?"

Ralph: "Yes."

Robin: "Wow."

Jason: "I gave it to you this morning."

Robin: "Everybody gives you everything."

Howard: "Where is it?"

Jason: "Scott has it."

Howard: "No one shows it to me."

Jason: "I gave ..."

Howard: (Yelling) "Gary, get in here."

Gary: "Hold on, hold on. This is the first I'm hearing about it now. Jason said he gave it to Scott this morning."

Howard: (Angry) "Where is that 'bleeping' nincompoop Scott keeping material from me that 'bleeping' bald 'bleep'? Why do I have him in my life? Scott, get out of my life. Where is my tape? You 'bleep'."

Scott: "Yes, I'm a 'bleep'."
Howard: "You know, I'm not laughing, you 'bleep'. Where is my tape?"

Scott: "Jason gave it to me and said work on it when you get a chance - it's eight minutes and we want to cut it down. I said all right, I'll get to it ..."

Howard: (Yelling) "When would you get to it?"

Scott: "He said it's not top priority ..."

Howard: (Yelling) "Jason, so now it's you you 'bleep'."

Scott: "If I was told it was going to be needed right away ..."

Howard: "No one knows that that that ..."

Artie: "What a deflection seminar this is."

Howard: (Angry) "You mean I got 50 guys back there and no one can sit and cut a piece of tape?"

Scott: "I can give you the whole thing right now."

Howard: "Give it to Sal and Richard, not you Scott."

Scott: "Why not, I mean ..."

Howard: "Cause Sal and Richard would have had it for me in five minutes."

Scott: "But I was told I didn't have to get it to you right that second ..."

Howard: "Jason, is that what you told him?"

Jason: "No. I got an email about this audio, I gave it to Scott, I go here's where you get it, it's eight minutes long, cut it up, let Tim listen to it before you give it to Howard -- that's all I said."

Howard: "You guys are nuts ..."

Scott: "He came in, said work on it when you get the chance."

Howard: "What time did you get the audio?"

Scott: "I got it this morning, like 7 o'clock."

Howard (Yelling): "It's no good tomorrow -- today!"

Robin: "Yeah, Riley's show comes on tonight."

Scott: "I understand that."

Artie: "Why was I not cc'd on this email?"

Jason: "I'm sorry, I thought Scott ..."

Howard: "There are so many 'bleeps' working for me ..."

Robin: "Wasn't there a procedure, isn't all this stuff supposed to go through Gary?"

Jason: "Forget it, I'm sorry, I'll go through Gary ..."

Howard: "Why don't you contact Gary with this?"

Jason: "I made a mistake; I should have ..."

Howard: "Gary, why aren't people contacting you? Honestly, what is your 'bleeping' problem? Get your 'bleeping' guys in here and fire some of these 'bleepers' if they don't talk to you. That'll teach 'em. You better get tough 'bleeper', I mean it! "

Gary: "I don't even know what to say ..."

Howard: "I'll tell you, nobody respects you."

[Image courtesy howardstern.com]