Resolve To Accept Yourself

This time of year, everyone thinks about making New Year's resolutions. If you've been making and breaking the same resolutions year after year, maybe it's time to take a fresh look at yourself and accept who you really are.

Cheryl Richardson is a life coach and author whose latest book is called "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace." She talked with The Early Show's Tracy Smith about what's wrong with New Year's resolutions.

"A lot of times we set ourselves up to fail," Richardson said. "It's interesting. A lot of times the resolutions we choose are the ones, like you said in the opening, we keep breaking over and over again. Sometimes it reflects parts of ourselves that we really need to accept instead of trying to change."

Does not keeping resolutions mean we don't have willpower?

"No. I've been working with people too long to believe it's all about a lack of willpower. There's usually something else going on underneath," she said. "Sometimes we start the new year and say 'This year I'm going to be a morning person' when in fact you should sleep late and work later in the day. That's just your natural rhythm. Too often we end up trying to change those things that are reflective of who we are naturally. Like trying to be the perfect mom when really you want to be more relaxed and let the house be messy, hang out with the kids and let them choose their own clothes for school instead of living up to someone else's expectations."

The idea is self-acceptance. She thinks you should change instead learn how to use it?

"It's a great way in terms of giving yourself more energy. Give yourself a break," she said. "Decide that you are going to instead embrace the things that have been driving you crazy for a long time and put your energy towards those things that are more important.

Is that a copout?

"When things are easy, we often think of it as a copout," Richardson said. "But it's about not struggling. We don't have to struggle in the new year. If we could start the new year with a lot more acceptance and love we'd be better off."

She has some tips to self-acceptance and making peace with yourself.

Identify the habit:

"Identify the behavior or habit that you need to maybe just accept," she said. "One of the ways is to ask yourself, 'What do I keep beating myself up about?' What's the critical voice that keeps playing over and over in your head? Or turn to a trusted friend or a family member and ask them, 'What do I keep complaining about that you see as a natural reflection of who I am?' And that may then be the habit or behavior that you decide you're going to accept this year."

Do we all know the habit or is it better to turn to somebody else to help identify it?

"I think most of us have — I have a good friend that calls it the inner critic crawl. We have the self-deprecating line that runs through our head on a daily basis. If we stop to look at that, we would identify what that habit is," she said.

Identify the benefits of acceptance

"So let's say you realize that you are never going to be a 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. person," Richardson said. "You're not cut out for that sort of typical work environment. The benefit might be that if you embrace that and say I need to be self-employed or I need to be doing more project-oriented work. Identify the benefits -- I'd be more productive. I'd be happier. The people around me would be happier because my mood would be better. When you identify the benefits of accepting the behavior or habit, you actually give leverage to it and give yourself a better chance of sticking with it."

Identify actions for acceptance

"Let's say you decide 'I'm going to accept the fact I'm not an early-morning person.' You might need to go to your boss and renegotiate your hours," she said. "Most people listening to that would say, 'No way, that's never going to happen. I can hear the laughter already.' The truth is, I've worked with people to help renegotiate with their bosses many times. Because what bosses want are productive, efficient, effective employees. If you're a mom who decides 'I'm not a perfect mother, but I'll accept the fact I'm normal,' you might decide to let your kids pick their own clothes for school or serve ready-made food twice a week."

One of most common resolutions is losing weight. How does it work when it comes to losing the last 10 pounds?

"I tell you, weight is one of the things I don't even address in the beginning of the year," Richardson said. "It is so complex. My husband is a fitness expert and I've learned the whole issue of weight is way more than willpower. There are a lot of underlying issues going on.

"So I wouldn't say, 'Well, if you're 20 pounds overweight, just accept it,' because most people can't accept it. But what I would say is look for what's really going on underneath and start with self-acceptance as a good place to begin."

To read an excerpt of Cheryl Richardson's "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace," click here.

The book is published by Free Press, which is owned by Viacom, which also owns CBSNews.com.