"Mom shaming" pushback: Creating judgment-free zones in social media age
Mothers in the social media era are resisting the age-old issue of mom shaming. Elle magazine highlighted the movement in its April edition.
"We looked at a group of women that call themselves 'Unicorns Moms,' and their tag line is: a perfect mom is like a unicorn, it doesn't exist," Elle executive editor Emma Rosenblum said. "And so they really wanted to create a judgment-free zone for moms to be able to be themselves and not feel this negative feedback loop online."
Platforms like Instagram and Facebook have "turned parenting into this kind of competitive sport," she added.
So how can mom shaming be changed or addressed?
"I think part of the solution is getting moms to feel that we don't have to prove ourselves, that actually being a mom is something you have to learn to do. And that attitude actually really helps. People feel less threat," said Heidi Grant, psychologist and author of "Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You."
Grant said mothers can feel a lot of insecurity, especially when there's no objective "right" way to parent a child.
"So there's a lot of uncertainty. What happens is when we experience a lot of uncertainty, we tend to try to cope with that by creating certainty," Grant said. "So I decide this the right way to be a mom. Therefore, if you decide to parent in a different way, that's really threatening to me, right? That means maybe I'm wrong. So, a lot of what happens online or even in face-to-face interactions, it feels like an attack and it is an attack — but it's really coming from a position of defensiveness."
"Being a mother is such an emotionally fraught experience to begin with, and you come at it at a place of 'I hope I'm doing this right.' And if you're not doing it right, if you see someone doing something differently, you can lash out," Rosenblum added.
These days, celebrities like Chrissy Teigen are "clapping back at haters." Rosenblum said she's an example of someone who's "real about motherhood but also presents this kind of beautiful image of it."
"And she's just funny about it, which I think is very approachable," Rosenblum said.
"People like Chrissy Teigen are so helpful because they give other women permission to say, yeah, you know what, I am making tons of mistakes, and that's OK. I'm learning," Grant said.
If you're feeling too much negativity, Rosenblum suggested disengaging from social media to avoid "these perfectly curated versions of motherhood that exist there."
"I mean, I have a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old, and I'm lucky if I can get out the door without some kind of meltdown or tantrum. So to see that kind of perfection can sometimes make you feel insecure. So just don't engage and don't comment," Rosenblum said.
