Managing Dual Careers
Since 2000, according to one source, 80% of the work force has been comprised of dual-earner couples. Couples who both work enjoy many advantages. Each is able to keep up with his or her career path, stay marketable and competitive, and contribute to their joint financial security. Additionally, the knowledge that one partner is securely employed gives the other partner the opportunity to explore different career opportunities or further education.
Of course, there are also drawbacks: one member of the couple may have to subordinate their career interests in favor of the other. Time and energy demands can impinge on their personal priorities: their marriage, their interests, and the decision to have children.
Because dual-career couples are more common today, employers are recognizing the need to implement policies that help balance personal needs with work, for example, flextime, telecommuting, and day care programs for children.
Only you and your partner can prioritize the elements of your life together according to your values. But it's essential to ask yourself the following questions as you plan your dual careers:
- Are both of our careers primary careers?
- How will we resolve conflicts between family needs and career requirements?
- How will we make decisions equitably so that, in the long run, both of us will be able to look back with satisfaction?
- How can we protect each of our long-term financial interests?
Of course this is possible—but only if you and your partner are candid about your expectations and can agree how to proceed. Admittedly, balancing work with life in two-career households can be a struggle. It's important to be willing to re-examine issues if one of you desires or if your work situations change. Work-life balance experts say that you probably won't be able to have it all at once. If you and your partner are willing to work cooperatively, rather than viewing your careers as competing, you will have a better chance of success in both your personal and professional lives. There is much new research being done on couples who have found ways to benefit from being in a two-career household; in a recent study of dual-earning parents who believe that they successfully balance family life and work life, most considered that their success was helped by a focus on equality and partnership.
There are some who assert that marriage falters as dual careers soar. This, in fact, led to a "heated debate" on Forbes.com. Said Michael Noer, presenting one view: "Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career. Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage." Said Elizabeth Corcoran on the other: "I've been working since the day I graduated from college 20-odd years ago. I have two grade-school-aged children. Work definitely takes up more than 35 hours a week for me. Thankfully, I do seem to make more than $30,000. All of which, according to Michael, should make me a wretched wife. In spite of those dangerous statistics, my husband and I are about to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary." Perhaps the best way to think about this is not in terms of statistics but in terms of specifics: You can make two careers and a marriage work if communication, trust, flexibility, and cooperation are emphasized. Such practices are important in any marriage; they are doubly important for dual-career couples.
Kathy Marshack says on her Web site, "There are rewards and challenges in the dual-career lifestyle. In order to make your marriage the best it can be you must be willing to take the time to talk, to get away for an evening, or take a weekend holiday. After all, your marriage is the center of your family. A strong loving friendship between husband and wife builds a strong healthy family." But, as a professional counselor, she also believes that "…if professional help is needed, don't hesitate to see a marriage and family therapist. Often a professional can help you reorganize some priorities and teach you tools of communication that will cut through the conflicts." This seems like sound advice. If you have a problem at work that calls for an outside expert, you'd hire one. Likewise, if your relationship is suffering, an objective third party can often help you both through a rough spot. Don't hesitate to try a counselor.
Making a list of work to be done, assigning responsibility, and following up are natural to you as a businessperson. It's helpful to do the same in a loving way in your personal life. That doesn't mean that one of you is the boss!
How you and your partner will spend your time, money, and attention should be clear and agreed upon by both of you. Planning ahead who will take care of a sick child, for example, will minimize disagreements in the future. Schedule time regularly to discuss family and work obligations.
Using a home computer can streamline your life. There are calendar, organization, and accounting software packages available to give you the management advantages enjoyed by big business. Online shopping can save time; in many areas of the country you can even order groceries online to be delivered to your home.
Just as a company determines its long-term objectives and mission, work with your partner to determine your relationship's long-term plan. Having a plan will help the two of you make difficult decisions when an opportunity for one partner involves great sacrifice for the other.
You can only expect your partner to fulfill your needs and your priorities if he or she knows what they are—so communicate!
Companies outsource services that are necessary but beyond their internal capability. If you need help at home, you can hire services that range from cleaning, cooking, and yard maintenance to support services such as bookkeeping and financial planning.
There is no reason why dual-career couples with children should shoulder the burden of all the little tasks of living. Give your children age-appropriate responsibilities. Make them partners in your daily activities as well as the beneficiaries of your hard work.
You're also the C.E.O. of your own life. Don't neglect your own needs while attending to family, work, and partnership obligations. You're no good to anyone if you aren't good to yourself.
It's so easy to get absorbed in the daily details of living and working that you forget to appreciate the life you've built together. Make regular dates with your partner to enjoy each other's company and remember the joy of the relationship, regardless of what else is going on in your lives.
Minor details may seem too trivial to mention. However, they could mean the difference between an empty gas tank or milk carton—or a forgotten child waiting to be picked up at an empty school. Have a family calendar, and keep "To Do" and "To Buy" lists in a central location where everyone can keep them up to date. Make sure everyone knows whose responsibility it is to complete those tasks.
Continue to communicate with your partner on both daily needs and long-term career goals. If one of you continually subordinates personal goals in favor of the other, make sure that is acceptable to both of you.
Pappenheim, Harriet and Ginny Graves.
Schneider, Barbara and Linda J. Waite (editors).
"Dual-Career Marriages: What Makes Them Work?" by Gary L. Wood and Patricia N. Alexander, Council for Relationships: www.councilforrelationships.org/articles/dual-career-marriages_3–8–04.htm
Forbes.com: www.forbes.com