So writes the former wife of singer Michael Jackson.
On her MySpace page Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis Presley, recounts a conversation she had with Jackson about her dad.
Elvis Presley died in 1977. While his death was believed to be due to cardiac arrest, one post-mortem report indicated 14 drugs in Presley's system. He was just 42.
She said her discussion with Jackson may have been him questioning her about the circumstances of her father's death.
"At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, 'I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did,'" Presley writes.
"I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that."
She said that watching the news of Jackson's death, the memory of the conversation from 14 years ago hit her, "as did the unstoppable tears."
She writes that Jackson's ending may have been predicted, and also took blame. "The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the L.A. County Coroners office for his Autopsy," she wrote.
"All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted."
She also wrote at length about their 1994 marriage, which lasted 18 months, because "I want the truth out there for once."
"Our relationship was not 'a sham,' as is being reported in the press," she said. "It was an unusual relationship, yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a 'Normal life' found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.
"I wanted to 'save him,'" she added. "I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened."
She praised Jackson for not allowing mediocrity into his life, and described him as "an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated."
This "dynamic force," Presley writes, attracted what she called "awful vampires and leeches," and she said she became very ill and both emotionally and spiritually exhausted by her quest to rescue him from what she called his self-destructive behavior.
"I was in over my head while trying," Presley wrote. She said that following her divorce, she obsessed and grew angry, then finally "indifferent," to his situation, until now.
"As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted," she wrote.
"Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him."
For more visit Lisa Marie Presley's MySpace page.
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