Limbaugh As Football Mogul? Here's My Vote
Folks who believe that would be a disaster argue that in a league where 65% of the players are African-American, this would be akin to nominating Lester Maddox to run the NAACP. Fair point. After all, this is the same guy who said a couple of years ago that "the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons."
What the critics overlook is what a weekly spectacle this could turn into if the sale ever went through. In the freak show that is America, forget Jon & Kate Plus 8. How could you beat this one for pure entertainment value. The prospect of Limbaugh taking his seat alongside Al Davis, the irascible owner of the Oakland Raiders - not to mention the other insufferable prima donnas who run the National Football League - would be more than enough to get our minds off of the economy and Afghanistan.
And nobody would appreciate the Limbaugh Effect more than the working stiffs who each Sunday need to file their game stories by deadine. As a former sports reporter, I can tell you that sitting down to type out what basically amounts to a monotonously rote storyline gets old fast. Apologies to any grid iron romantics out there, but the game of football doesn't change much from week to week: You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you run the ball, you kick the ball. And then you try and clobber anyone wearing the opposing jersey.
So it is that the standard wire copy rundown sounds predictably familiar season after season. We're not talking Hemingway here. To wit:
"So and so today threw two touchdowns and ran for 100 yards...blah, blah, blah."
Fascinating.
But now El Rushbo comes along, fresh from delivering verbal crack-back blocks to the likes of Nancy Pelosi and punishing strong-arms to Harry Reid and his minions. A veritable quote machine, Limbaugh as Rams owner would be the gift that keeps on giving. By comparison, think about the reams of copy regularly devoted to the musings of New York Yankees' George Steinbrenner. They may rip Steinbrenner in print but generations of sportswriters know they owe their gratitude to a guy who has reveled in the role of designated bad guy for over four decades. With Limbaugh as the Rams' owner, they might just as well offer burnt sacrifices in anticipation of the windfall they would reap.
Unlike Steinbrenner, who largely keeps his political and social beliefs to himself, Limbaugh would have no such compunction just because he was part of football's ruling class. Want a hint of coming attractions? Check out this 2003 gem offered up by Limbaugh during his abbreviated tenure offering color (no pun intended) commentary for Monday Night Football?
"I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well," he said, adding for good measure that McNabb got a lot of credit for the performance of the team "that he didn't deserve. The defense carried this team."
That may not be the daffiest thing Limbaugh has ever said - after all, he's had six years to pile up quite the record - but it sets the stage for a blockbuster confrontation with the NFL Players Association. Over the weekend, DeMaurice Smith, who heads the union, put the league on notice that his group would oppose Limbaugh's bid to buy the Ram.
"I've spoken to the Commissioner [Roger Goodell] and I understand that this ownership consideration is in the early stages. But sport in America is at its best when it unifies, gives all of us reason to cheer, and when it transcends. Our sport does exactly that when it overcomes division and rejects discrimination and hatred," he wrote in an e-mail to the union's executive committee.
Is there bite behind the bark? Based on their record of talking big and doing little when it comes to any causes outside of lining their pockets, I doubt most NFL players will have the guts to take a stand. But I'll reserve judgment. For the record, I think Stephen Smith has it right in this clip below. If Limbaugh can come up with the money, he should be allowed to buy the team. Then let the cameras into the locker room while he explains to his players the ins and out's of Obama's America.
That's the stuff of pay-per-view.