How To Get a Bully Fired...Even if It's Your Boss!
Workplace bullies are as common as horseflies, but that doesn't mean that you've got to put up with them. There's plenty of advice out there for coping with bullies, but sometimes coping isn't enough. If the situation is really bad, it can come down to "either he goes or I go."
This post provides a simple 4 step process for torpedoing a workplace bully for good, even if it's your boss. It's a risky process but (seriously) what have you got to lose?
Click to see the first step »
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When dealing with crazy people in the workplace, the biggest mistake that people make is getting caught up in the craziness. This is almost always because the specific craziness that's going on in the office echos the craziness that they experienced when they were children, according to management consultant Sylvia Lafair.
"Families and work groups are structurally similar, and the day-to-day workings of both groups are fundamentally the same," she writes in her groundbreaking book Don't Bring It To Work; Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success. "It's not surprising then that home and work relationships flow quite naturally into one another."
In other words, the reason that you "care" about the craziness (while your co-worker just shrugs it off) is probably because you're reliving some dysfunctional part of your family relationships. The bully yells at you, and suddenly you're back at home, with your drunk stepfather.
This is not to say that the bully isn't being a prime jackass. However, if you're going to deal with the craziness, you've got to get out of the state of reacting to the craziness. You've got to be cold as ice. Think Mr. Spock. Build mental walls around yourself. Rehearse remaining calm. Do whatever it takes to get as dispassionate as possible.
It always helps to remember that, no matter how crazy things are right now, you'll eventually be working elsewhere and with other people and the bully who's such a pain in the tuchus today will simply be a bad memory. Meanwhile, the main thing is to get emotional distance. Remember: his crazy behavior is his problem. Not yours.
Before moving to the next step, consider whether you really want to go any further. After all, if you disconnect emotionally, maybe the bully isn't going to be such a big deal after all. However, if you're still convinced that you need to deep-six the jackass, read on...
Click to see the second step »STEP #2: Document the Craziness
If you got to this step, you've gotten to one of those classic good news/bad news situations. The good news is that it will all be over soon. The bad news is that you've got to lay some groundwork before you make your move.
From now on, leave no sign of the bully's craziness undocumented. Keep a log of all the weirdness, with details of exactly what happened. Make hard copies of any bizarre emails, IMs or texts that come from the nut-case.
What you're looking for isn't example of how the bully is making your life miserable. Nobody cares about that. What you're looking to document is examples where the bully's behavior damaged morale, decreased productivity, alienated customers, and so forth.
Here's where high tech can lend a hand. If the bully says bizarre things at meetings, quietly record them on an MP3 player. If the bully acts seriously crazy (i.e. yelling like maniac) consider buying one of these video pens and keeping a video log. Just be sure to set the pen on a table away from where you're sitting, so that it's not identifiable that you're the one doing the taping.
Needless to say, you must keep it completely secret that you're building a dossier. Do NOT tell anyone, including trusted co-workers. The reason is simple. If you get found out before you spring your trap, you'll probably end up on the short end of some REALLY crazy behavior.
BTW, if the behavior that you document is illegal, you need to visit a lawyer before going any further. For example, if it's sexual harassment, you probably have grounds for a lawsuit. Be forewarned, though, something like that can make you unhireable in the future in your current industry.
Click to see the third step »STEP #3: Plan Your Exit Strategy
Here's the reality: you're rapidly approaching the point of no return, where there will be only two possible outcomes: 1) the bully will get fired, or 2) you will need to leave the company.
Because the second outcome is a very real possibility, you need to start building out your network of contacts, looking for new opportunities, especially outside your current employer. Make this like your second job. Do not let a day go by without doing something that gets you better connected outside your firm.
Meanwhile, cut your expenses to the bone, and start socking away extra money. If company policy allows, stockpile your vacation days. Your goal is to make leaving the company (even if you don't have another job lined up) as easy and comfortable as possible. If you're lucky, you'll just find some job that suits you better, and off you go.
However, if you'd like to remain, the next step is going to require nerves of steel and you're more likely to have those if you know that you've got options if the scenario doesn't play out the way you'd like. And that's a good thing, because in the final step, you're going to be playing big-time hardball.
So, if you're ready to lay it all on the line, it's time move on to the final step.
Click to see the final step »STEP #4: Blow the Whistle
Congratulations! You've reached the moment of truth.
According to HR folk, your next step should be to surface the problem HR. HUGE mistake. HR can't help you and will immediately reduce the problem to a conflict between you and the bully. They're professional mollifiers and useless for your purposes.
Instead, you need to play hardball. Figure out how to meet privately with a top executive in your firm, preferably somebody up the management chain from the bully. If your company has an "open office" rule, this should be easy. Otherwise, you may need to simply track the bigwig for a while and find out when he's alone and accessible.
Once you're alone, explain that you want to make the bigwig aware of a major problem that could damage the company's productivity or possibly land the company on the wrong end of a lawsuit if somebody else (NOT you) reports it.
Show the bigwig your documentation and, if possible, a video of the crazy behavior. Explain that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you intend to share this information with ANYBODY else and that you are giving the bigwig the only copy of this material. Explain that you are doing this because you love the company and hate to see it damaged.
Whatever you say, do NOT make it about you versus the bully. Make it about the bully versus the company or (better yet) how the bully's behavior is screwing up the bigwig's goals. Be forewarned, though, if the bully is your boss, there's a good chance that the bigwig (your boss's boss) is going to think the bully's behavior is no big deal. Why? Because crazy executives hire crazy bosses in their own image.
Anyway, when you're done, apologize for being forced to hand the bigwig a problem, and then leave the bigwig's office. Depending on how well you made your case, there's as much as a 15 percent chance you just torpedoed the bully and he'll get canned or demoted. However, there is also as much as an 85 percent chance that you're the one who will get axed. Sad, but true.
But that doesn't matter, because you laid the groundwork for your exit strategy anyway. Think of it this way: you're burning bridges, but the reality is that the current situation -- working with a bully -- simply wasn't a reasonable choice for you.
So even if you end up leaving -- what the heck! -- you gave it your best shot.
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