How Not To Intimidate Men

The Early Show's big dating game challenge is getting down to crunch time.

Advice columnist E. Jean Carroll believes any woman can find the man of her dreams in just six weeks if they follow the advice in her book "Mr. Right, Right Now." So Lirone and Tracy enlisted to put her theory to the test.

This week, the two women learned how to not intimidate men.

Carroll tells The Early Show co-anchor Hannah Storm, "Every woman in America who is watching has been told, because she's independent, because she earns a little money and she doesn't need a man: you're intimidating. So most women will pull back and not be as interesting. You have to do exactly the opposite. You just have to play out all your feminine assets and show your tenderness, your vulnerability, your mystery."

Carroll came up with three critical tasks that the ladies had to do during their dates. She guarantees if women take her three points to heart, they will learn how to not intimidate or frighten men away.

Ask For A Story From His Past
Shoot all the arrows in your romantic quiver. We know you are smart, charming, pretty, etc., etc. But we also know that Big Time Career Women are afraid of making a statement with anything other than their brains. So now give the fellows a blast of your mystery, your imagination, inquisitiveness. Ask each man to tell you a story about his childhood. And then you tell him a story about your girlhood. Make it tender. Show your heart. A flash of real emotion can pierce a man's heart faster than the wittiest barb.

Be A Damsel In Distress And Ask For His Help
We know you don't need a man. But it's also very wise to let your vulnerabilities show. So ask the chap for help: Unscrewing a lid, peeling an orange, sharing the leash when walking a dog, etc. All of these things are extremely endearing.

Allow Him To Show Off His Skills
We know Tracy and Lirone are both spectacular athletes, but men love to show off. So ask him to do something where he can win your approval. Here are some examples: Challenge him to hit a tree with three snowballs. Ask him to carry you over a slushy part of the street. Ask him to help a child with her marshmallow. Ask him (in the kitchen) if he can pick up a chair with one arm. Ask him to stuff 14 olives in his mouth, etc., etc. Or give him a mental challenge: Ask him what you were wearing on your first date, or who the quarterbacks are in the Super Bowl.

The assignment for Tracy was particularly easy, she says, "The guys were great and it was nice to have one-on-one time with them."

But not so for Lirone, she says, "It was a little difficult for me because I sort of felt like each of the guys knew about the other dates and starting to have a little feelings. And I'm starting to like them. You have to juggle it and make everyone feel you're interested in them."

Most women, including Lirone and Tracy, make three common mistakes when attempting not to intimidate men. These three mistakes can be corrected very easily, Carroll says.

Don't Decide He's Mr. Right!
The moment you make up your mind and tell yourself that he IS Mr. Right, three things happen:

  1. You totally lose your brain and start focusing all your desires on him.
  2. Focusing all your desires on him is completely intimidating to a poor fellow.
  3. And when you are intimidating, you dribble away the tantalizing elusiveness that attracted him to you in the first place.

Don't Make A Check List
You know whether you like him or not. Don't sit there assessing and judging him, running down your list. Does he make more money than I do? CHECK. Am I socially superior to him? CHECK. Can I allow my friends to meet him if he's wearing that shirt? CHECK.

This is an extremely petty form of romantic one-upsmanship and so intimidating because the guy will quickly (in about two seconds) grasp the fact that you are not responding to HIM, but are just sizing him up, and this hurts the guy's feelings. And when his feelings are hurt, it closes down any chance of him surprising you, and when he can't delight you, you can't react in an enticing manner. And boom: the death of love. The guy moves on.

Don't Lose Your Mystery
Don't constantly yammer away about your feelings, or pester him about how he's "feeling," and most important don't leap into bed too quickly. Why?

  1. It ends the chase too soon and can turn a guy off.
  2. According to the latest research, so many chemicals are sprayed around the female brain (literally SPRAYED!) when you make love with a man, you become attached to him. And that's why women get stuck with losers. They don't even like the guy, but they are attached. Make sure you really, really like him before you go for a romp in the begonias.
  3. The best tactic is to wear his nerves to shreds with suspense. The longer the male beast is made to cool his heels, the harder he will fall.

The following is a refresher of the weekly goals.

Week One: Get the right mindset.
Week Two: Enhance natural assets.
Week Three: Get rid of fears.
Week Four: Learn to torture the fellows.
Week Five: Learn how not to intimidate the poor blokes.
Week Six: Land Mr. Right.