Helping A Spouse With A Chronic Illness

The statistics are daunting:

90 million Americans suffer from a chronic illness:

90% of senior citizens have one chronic disease

77% of senior citizens have two or more chronic diseases

As of May, 2007, approximately 638,515 people have died from chronic disease this year (Chronic illnesses include diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, asthma or COPD, etc).

When a chronic illness is diagnosed, she said during a visit to The Early Show, it means a lifestyle change not only for the patient, but for those closest to him or her. "First you go through having the experience of the illness, then you need to understand and accept it and then make lifestyle changes to accommodate the illness," she says.

When living with someone who is chronically ill, it's easy to fall into the roles of cheerleader or nag. Redford offers some important tips for striking a balance between helpful and annoying.

We're In This Together
"It's important to tell your mate that they aren't alone. It's a family affair now," says Redford. "If your spouse has been told he's diabetic, for example, then you let him know you're going to help him change his diet and that everyone in the household is going to work on better eating. We're in this together and we're going to make it work."

Communicate Feelings
"The first thing your spouse may say is, 'You have no idea what I'm going through.' And that's true," says Redford. "But you can acknowledge that and say, 'I'm trying to understand and I think it must be scary for you and it's scary for me, too.' Talk about how you feel." But the second part of communicating is not nagging, she says. "Put everything on the table and say, 'Listen, you know when I remind you to take your medicine, or eat, or check your glucose I'm not trying to be mean or nagging. I'm trying to help you take care of yourself.'"

Get Smart About the Disease
According to Redford, the spouse needs to be the one who sorts through all the information about the chronic illness and the medications until the patient is emotionally ready to handle all the information. "You need to become an expert on the disease," says Redford. "There are websites associated with all of the chronic diseases that offer information and support – and that's a good place to start."

Stay Positive
Having a good attitude can make a lot of difference, says Redford. "While you want to acknowledge that something serious is going on, you want to stay on an even keel and be as positive as you can be. Avoid the urge to vent your own frustrations or emotions."

To read an AARP article about dealing with diabetes, a chronic illness, click here.

To read other health articles from AARP: The Magazine, click here.