George And Al Forever?

Ooh, how 21st century. Our presidential candidates flexed their cyber muscles and exchanged e-mails earlier this week. We've all heard endlessly about Vice President Al Gore's internet savvy, and George W. Bush, with a little more hesitation, says he can "click around."

To prove his prowess, Gore had to not only send his opponent an e-mail, he had to be caught on tape doing it. Bush at least had the circumspection to send his response (or have it sent) away from prying eyes.

Perhaps it's a good thing to carry the electioneering into a new arena, so that the general election campaign will be as widespread as it is long. But this development could be an ominous new sign of an über-campaign, which permeates our very beings.

First there's this eight month thing. Never before, we keep hearing, have the nominees been chosen so early. This wouldn't matter if said nominees would do the sane thing and kick back for a few months. Bush, for one, would do it. He was the optimistic soul who said the other day that Americans would now "go into a little hibernation period when it comes to politics."

But we won't be allowed to, because both Gore and Bush have convinced themselves that he who dawdles is lost. "There will be no let up," Gore said grimly the other day, and Bush, along with the rest of us, has no choice but to keep up.

I accept campaign mailings, yard signs and bumper stickers. I'm actually a little sorry that buttons seem to have disappeared. And the dreaded 30-second TV spot is not without its charm. However slanted or unfair it may be, it's only 30 seconds, and you can always change the channel.

Now here's Gore, who imagines that the rest of us find the arcana of policy as fascinating as he does, proposing weekly debates, each limited to one subject. Well, again, you can always change the channel.

Worse yet, the vice president has threatened to use his campaign like a battering ram, barging into schools around the country to teach class (requests for hall passes may skyrocket) and even staying in the homes of ordinary people! Imagine Mr. and Mrs. America cowering behind the couch as the doorbell keeps ringing and Gore taps cheerily on the window.

You can avoid opening the door. But beware the message on your answering machine. Forget the outrage over what Bush or McCain or Pat Robertson said in those pre-recorded phone messages. I'm more dismayed that they're calling me at all. Haven't these people ever gotten cross when a sales call interrupted dinner? Or were they the dopes who sat through the pitch and bought the product, and believe we'll all do the same?

Now comes the e-mail twist. I'd like to believe Bush and Gore would be content with mailing each other, but I'm not so sure. Can political spam be far away? Just picture dozens of white papers and press releases and petty accusations cluttering up your mailbox. Many of us in the media already face this dilemma, buwe deserve it. You, dear reader, must save yourself while you can. You have a duty to vote, but you have a right to be left alone until then.