Fantastic Voyage
In this Reality Check, CBS News Correspondent Eric Engberg takes a tongue-in-cheek excursion into the mind of the Republican presidential front-runner.
Reality Check took a different approach to covering the most recent Iowa Republican debate. A panel of experts was assembled to study the mental processes of candidate Dubya as he faced the most difficult question of the evening.
Our panel included forensic psychiatrists, X-Files scriptwriters, veteran polygraph operators and two former prosecuting attorneys who frequently appeared on television during the O.J. Simpson trial, but have been drawing unemployment compensation since.
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Based on their deep knowledge of the complex thought processes of the successful American politician, buttressed by their analysis of W's body language in real time and his emanations of karma, they have prepared this stream of consciousness transcript of what was going through the governor's mind from the time Steve Forbes began answering local anchor John Backman's question on who was his favorite philosopher until the moment the Texas governor responded to the same question:
"Aw, man, philosophers. What a jip. This was supposed to be poli-sci and foreign affairs stuff.
Alright, alright, let's think of some philosophers. I know . . . Dean Acheson. Secretary of State guy. Strong. Gramps Bush even knew him. No, can't do it. Used him before. Everyone'll think I only know one brain guy. Or they'll have some trick follow-up question about what Acheson did.
I know, I know. Now is the perfect time for a little Espanol. "Me gusta. . . ." Who? Come on. Need a famous Mexican brain guy. How about Luis Aparacio? No. Cesar Chavez? No, Democrat, labor leader, bad for this crowd. How about Gandhi? No, too pinko. Reagan? No, mom might get ticked off.
Baseball. Yogi Berra? "It ain't over till it's over," and all that other deep thinking. Nah, too New York. Joe Garagiola? Too close to Ford. Might offend Reaganites. But baseball is good. Heh heh, gotta work something in about baseball somewhere later . . . they'll love it.
But first we got to finesse this philosophy deal, and time's runnin' out. Got to remember to keep droppin' those g's, too. Forbes is winding up about John Locke. Who was John Locke, anyway? Who cares. Philosopy . . . it's college stuff. Think college. Think Yale. Okay. Frat parties. Budweiser, Jack Daniels, being cool
I know. I'll talk about Hegel and the concept of the world historical individual embodying an epoch's essential zeitgeist as conveyed in the middle chapters of The Phenomenology of Spirit. I loved that book. But if I say that everyone will think I'm some sort of sissy egghead. Like Dad would say, wouldn't be prudent.
Oh, man, Backman's turning toward me already. Need something that's relatively non-controversial, sounds wise and at the same time plays well with potentially valuable demographic cohorts. No time to poll either. . ."
BACKMAN: Governor Bush? . . .
BUSH: Christ . . .
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