Does This Show Employees You've Got Their Back?

Everything stops when someone throws a chair.
I was attending a customer meeting with a client. His customer was responsible for a major chunk of his firm's annual revenue, so he brought along six key staffers, including a recently hired engineer.

While ostensibly a periodic update meeting, their CEO clearly saw it as an opportunity to throw his weight around. Even I could tell his complaints ranged from picky to irrelevant. But he didn't care, as CEOs on tirades are wont not to do.

Everyone sat quietly and let him rage away; I could tell by a few of the knowing glances exchanged that his behavior was nothing new.

Then my client's new engineer made a mistake.

The CEO was complaining about how a product didn't conform to a specification, and the engineer interrupted and said, "I understand what you are saying, but I think you miss the real point: The product doesn't conform to specs because it exceeds your specs."

I swear two people gasped.

The CEO's face got even redder, his eyes bulged, and he stood and used his best Dirty Harry impression to say, "You think you can tell me how to interpret MY specs? MY SPECS? Do me a favor. Sit there and take your little notes but otherwise don't speak unless spoken to. If you're ever in doubt, just assume no one is talking to you -- because they won't be."

Then he threw his chair across the room.

One of his staffers promptly jumped up, moved his chair over to the CEO's spot, then retrieved the CEO's chair.

(Meeting etiquette note: A chair, once thrown, can no longer be used by the actual thrower of said chair.)

I glanced at my client. What would he do? Get mad? Walk out? Take a stand? Ask for an apology?

None of the above.

He waited a beat, then calmly said, "What other concerns can we take care of?"

I have to admit I was surprised he just moved on.

But then a funny thing happened. My client started to nibble around the edges of some of the complaints, pushing back a little here, disagreeing a little there... and the CEO grew more and more frustrated.

Finally, when my client said, "I'm not sure that's quite accurate..." the CEO stood and said, "I hoped this would be a productive meeting. I'm disappointed you're not taking our concerns more seriously."

He looked at my client and said, "Let's reschedule this for a time when you feel you can put MY needs first," and stomped out.

Later, when I was alone with my client, I said, "You know I have to ask. Why didn't say anything when he yelled at your engineer?"

"I wanted to," he replied. "Our guy did nothing wrong. But if I defended him in the moment he still would have thought he did something wrong. So instead I basically did the same thing he had done, and the CEO treated me the same way he treated our guy, if not worse. So now my guy knows he did nothing wrong."

"But won't your engineer wonder why you didn't take his side in the meeting?"

"Absolutely," he said. "That's why I'll talk to him as soon as we get back to the office. But now we can have a discussion about customer relationships, meeting dynamics, and dealing with conflict as equals because the customer got mad at both of us. Our engineer won't be defensive because he isn't the only person who did something 'wrong.'"

Should he have taken a stand in the meeting? Maybe so, but maybe not. From his point of view, pushing back too hard in front of others may have pushed his customer over the edge. While my client's team might have appreciated the gesture, the long-term repercussions could have been disastrous.

So instead he created a "conflict" of his own, in the process proving to everyone the customer was a jerk whose actions were unfounded. My client took a different kind of stand, purposely drawing heat while indirectly supporting the engineer and creating grounds for mentoring.

"You know," my client said, "Who cares if he threw a chair? It's his furniture. As long as he doesn't hit anybody I don't really care. It was actually kind of funny. Guaranteed our engineer will be dining out on that story for years, too.

"And I can use this as an opportunity to help him develop, because now he can just focus on how to deal with difficult customers instead of feeling like he was in the wrong somehow."

Sound reasoning, and an interesting take on a complicated situation -- but also certainly not the only approach.

What would you have done?

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