Stop telling me I need to vote: I don't care. Look, I love democracy as much as the rebels in Somalia, but that doesn't mean I have to reserve a chair and some popcorn for three hours of post-debate analysis on who wore a more presidential tie. Heck, I don't even have to know the names of the candidates, and that doesn't mean I don't love baseball, apple pie, and miniature flags attached to my car on the Fourth of July.
I don't want you to write this off merely as me being facetious and sarcastic. I seriously don't think we should care about this election. And has anybody mentioned how much effort it is to register to vote, fill out a ballot and send it in? Especially if we're talking about absentee votes. There is no spectacle in the world comparable to an American presidential election. This has been built up to for over a year now, and neither the Superbowl, the Olympics or Plush Animal Lover's Day (October 28th) can compete.
What irks me the most is the total obsession we have, particularly in these "sophisticated" schools, with politics. I would be okay with it if it weren't for the crusader-like aggression with which the politically minded try to preach their agenda. You compile this with MTV's "Rock The Vote" and CMT's '"Tractor The Vote," and it's become socially taboo not to vote. Yet this is our chance to exercise one of our tremendous privileges of political indifference.
From a more practical approach, your vote doesn't matter, and if anyone tells you it does, I encourage you to slap him in the face with the Electoral College and call them a liar. These two candidates are basically the same, minus some social issues: weigh this with fact that McCain often looks confused, robotic, and bald, and the win goes to Obama-we all know it's coming. If you live in Tennessee, there are enough people who hate welfare for it to still go to McCain.
So stop feeling guilty for not caring about government. There are enough people on both ends of the spectrum who like to think their loud, opinionated crying will really make a difference in the world so that it all balances out in the end. There are much more valuable things to do with your time, such as cooking pumpkin seeds (yes, they are edible). So while other people are freaking out and stressing about the future of our world without actually having any hand in what happens, you can be playing Scrabble drinking games and watching ESPNU replays of '80s bowling.
If you find yourself inescapably stuck with some friends trying to sound politically savvy, make sure you try to throw in some rehearsed political statements, like: I really support Palin's plan for congressional plumbing liquidation using international oil lubricants. It seems every four years, people are saying this is the most important election in our lives so we need to watch every moment, read all the news stories, start rallies, wear political pins and construct shrines to Obama in our houses. I'll let you in on a secret: It's not the apocalypse; America's going to keep going even without you voting.