This story was written by Scott Nathan Green, Daily Illini
If you really wanted to make Barack Obama the next President of the United States, you would go online right now and make a large contribution to Hillary Clinton's campaign.
I'm not certain why this helps Obama, but in a new video posted on HillaryClinton.com, the New York senator asks America to join her in supporting him. "I look forward to campaigning with him," she says, her face appearing next to a red button labeled "$ CONTRIBUTE" that lets you help pay her campaign's $22 million debt. I swear this is true.
This is a great idea, because people seem to really like Obama. It's the kind of outside-the-box thinking Clinton's campaign wasn't known for. Had she thought of this "Give-To-Me-For-Obama's-Benefit" strategy months ago, she might have raised enough money to win the nomination.
But there's always the risk that Obama supporters might do something silly, like give their money directly to Obama. If so, Clinton would still have her campaign's debt. The obvious way to handle it would be faking her own death, though this is not ideal if she wants to run in 2012.
Mike Huckabee, another loser of the primaries, recently signed with Fox News, a moneymaking scheme Clinton might want to consider. Aside from offering commentary on the election cycle, Huckabee is developing his own show for the network. Early speculation is that he'll play a kooky housewife always trying to con her husband, Ricky, into letting her perform at his nightclub.
But Huckabee is a former governor with no current elected office. Clinton is a sitting United States senator, and there's a real risk she could give a spontaneous, honest opinion from the heart that hadn't been extensively focus-tested. So if she decides TV is the answer, I say she go the American route and appear on a reality show.
They'd probably have to make a new program for her, since she doesn't fit the casting requirements of current network reality fare like CBS's "Amazing Race," ABC's "The Bachelor," or Fox's "Bikini Supermodel Wilderness Songwriting Life-or-Death Dance-Off." Lucky for Clinton, I have a TV show that would be perfect for her, and I don't ask much in return. Just a producer credit. And $750,000 an episode.
The show is called "Beg For It." What happens is, a camera crew follows Hillary around the country as she pleads with regular citizens for cash contributions. A family in the Cleveland suburbs might have her mow its lawn for $50; a cynical Chicago high schooler might donate $15 for her to bark like a dog; her husband might offer $40,000 to overlook recent infidelities.
Me, I'm easy to please. I'd just want Senator Clinton to make me laugh. All she'd have to do is explain how donating to her helps elect Barack Obama.