Leadership

Can I Sue My Boss for Asking a Rude Question?

By Stanley Bing

Updated on: July 21, 2009 / 5:45 PM EDT / MoneyWatch

Dear Stanley,

I asked my gay male boss for a raise and instead he countered, "How much does your husband make?" When I replied "more than me," he said that we are well above the average household income and will be fine. Did he break any laws where I can take recourse?

Signed,

Steaming Mad

Dear Mad,

Absolutely, it's illegal. It's also stupid. Where does this guy come from? There are certain rules of behavior in these matters that have been laid out for, like, two decades, and even the most hairy and warty troll knows them and lives by them. You DO NOT ask people:

Whether they are married;
What their spouse does for a living;
How much they make;
What they spent on their house;
What size any particular article of clothing they are wearing might be;
What they are doing around cocktail hour.

Most particularly, an employee's spouse is none of the Boss's business. You have every right to march down to Human Resources ... and have them tell you that it's no big deal. Whoops. That's the problem. A lot of the time, the PTB (Powers That Be) are going to defend their manager. Worse, they're going to refer the matter back to him, and you're going to get fried for reporting on his inappropriate behavior. Unless you have a great relationship with your HR rep (and good ones do in fact exist), I think you have to do one of two things: 1) tell your boss that your husband's salary has nothing to do with your value to the company and that you want that raise for real, or 2) lie to the big fat loser, tell him that your husband has had a salary reduction and that your dog will die if he/she doesn't have his/her spleen/kidney/earwax removed.

I'm a big believer in fighting dirty with dirty fighters, by the way. I would also note that people who get into litigation with their place of employment sometimes win, occasionally get some money, but also enter into a no-man's-land of aggravation and ill-temper that could last for years. I hate being involved in lawsuits. If you don't mind leaving your place of employment and then relying on a positive outcome of your trial for a long time, then go for it. I think you've got a case. But so do a lot of people who die owing their lawyers money.

I will make one other observation. Of what possible import does the fact that your boss is gay and male have on the situation? Is the fact that you mention those "facts," or find them germane in this discussion, a sign that there is actually another dimension at work here? Does his sexual orientation influence his attitude toward women? Do you bear him some prejudice because of it? What's it doing in this discussion? The fact is, bosses are mean, irrational, and inappropriate sometimes. The abuse of power afflicts all races, classes, and sexual orientations pretty much equally, and the tactics involved in combating them are pretty much the same the world over. Unless he has a gun. Then all bets are off.