"American Idol": Durbin out, America doesn't rock
The meaning was this: America doesn't rock. America hasn't had a real rock hit for a while. Durbin was therefore consigned by the voters - who seem to prefer anything even vaguely resembling country, pop, humdrum or familiar - to a fate that might just include credibility.
Many will compare Durbin's exit with that of Chris Daughtry - who was himself visibly shocked to be eliminated at this stage, before enjoying a highly successful career. Still, some will be surprised that Durbin, who was, perhaps, the most polished of the performers, was polished off.
Pictures: "American Idol" Season 10
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First to discover that she would be going back to her hometown for a heroine's welcome was Lauren Alaina. She celebrated with wholesome innocence. She needs, after all, to go back home to Georgia and see her newly-shorn dogs. What has happened to those dogs? Who did that? She sat on a beautiful gold stool, which, no doubt, used to be a beautiful white stool.
Next we cut to a package on a sofa, where the four finalists watched Lady Gaga performing, well, somewhere - somewhere where she didn't need to wear very much. Gaga can stand on a piano stool, bend over and still play the piano. Not everyone knew that, but many suspected. She was followed by that apogee of contemporary music, Enrique Iglesias. Yes, Henry Churches. He sang something about dirty dancing.
In order to return us to a conservative sanity (or so we thought), Jordin Sparks sang her new single. This is a ditty that declares her to be a woman, one who can dance in a silver coat and attempt to sound like Beyonce all at the same time. The silver coat came off and Sparks skipped around. She wiggled her behind. Boy dancers made suggestive gestures around her body. This was not the Sparks that had won "American Idol". This bordered on corruption.
Strangely, there were only 15 minutes left and still three contestants were left hanging. It was as if the elimination didn't matter. Instead, we had to enjoy the new Steven Tyler video, which included a chimpanzee, a blonde and a hat. And a brunette. Or perhaps two. I think one of the ladies - perhaps a brunette - went swimming topless. I am pretty sure it wasn't Tyler.
At the 50th minute, Ryan Seacrest revealed that Haley Reinhart, despite - or because of - the judges' criticisms on Wednesday, would be in the top three. The two remaining boys' faces then spoke like paintings in a portrait gallery. McCreery looked as relaxed as a penguin at a fish party. Durbin's face suggested he was about to suffer adenoidal surgery without anesthetic.
By the time we came back from the break, Durbin was already weeping. When the news was announced, Durbin was staggering. He tried to tell his wife, Heidi, in the audience that he was OK.
As we watched reruns of Durbin saying to camera "Give metal a chance, America", America said: "Go forth, metal, to Hell."
"I worked so damn hard to get here," said Durbin, choking through his metal tears.
"I did so much stuff that's never been done on the show before," he added, as if wanting to continue with, "AMERICA, YOU BLIND BAT!! HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT?!! "
As if to show how America could not see that and how many compromises he had tried to make along the way, Durbin's encore was that classic metal hit "Maybe I'm Amazed." You know, from that seminal metal, bat-eating, long-haired, leather-clad band, Paul McCartney and Wings. Perhaps, in the end, it was simply that there are many little girls in pink fluffy bedrooms whose mommas won't let them watch that nasty, dirty rock stuff.
As Jennifer Lopez sobbed away, we suddenly realized that we won't get a chance to see footage from Santa Cruz, Calif., next week. Instead, we'll get some more glorification of McCreery, who was credited with a save in a high school baseball game this week, even though he didn't actually play.
We'll also see Reinhart and Alaina getting their deserved close-ups.
In our naive enthusiasm, perhaps we've forgotten something about those wily "Idol" producers. In the last couple of years, boys have won "Idol" and often not gone on to celestial levels of stardom.
However, in the past, girl winners have tended to do rather well once they're released into the professional wild. It couldn't be that there is some idle "Idol" rejoicing at the sight of two girls in the final, could it?
Ah, so what? Let the ladies duke it out. Anything but Hopalong.
