Why It's So Fascinating to Talk About Actress Juliette Lewis's Hair

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What follows is the kind of press releases that clutter my inbox, wasting my time I look forward to receiving, every day. Every. Single. Day. It is edited only for length, and for witty added commentary. All the boldface type is theirs, because us readers can be too stoopid to figgur things out on our owns. Enjoy:

Hi Kent– I hope this finds you well. Please see below for a ready-made article for Kent Shocknek's Let's Blog on our client, Juliette Lewis, and her new hair transformation.... Mary Smith (not the real name: I'm damned if she'll get a free plug off of me. -Ed.) of  Bob's  Salon of Hollywood (ditto) brought Juliette to life (I didn't know she was previously dead) with the fiery transformation from brown to red. "I changed Juliette's hair.... We wanted to pop it as much as possible.... Almost cartoon...."    The most important portion of the above to mention is the makeover was performed by Mary Smith (remember?) of Bob's Salon of Hollywood. (ditto again) Bob's varied clientele includes Kim Kardashian, Kloe Kardashian, Chloe Sevigny, Christina Ricci, Shia LaBeouf, and many more.

If you have similar press releases, please send them to me. I enjoy making fun of them, especially when they clearly have zero relevance to what we do here, which is pretty hard to achieve reading and sharing them.