Colorado widower starts grief group at Castle Rock hospital: "There is hope"

For Coloradans who have lost loved ones, the holidays can be an especially difficult time. But a Castle Rock community group is here to help.

Every Monday at 6 p.m., a group of about eight people gathers to share their grief at AdventHealth in Castle Rock. It's a resource for those who have lost loved ones at the hospital, patients, staff or anyone in the community.

"I work at the Welcome Center, and our job is to greet people and make sure they feel comfortable, make sure they get into the registrars and get their wrist bands," said Clarence Hughes, the AdventHealth Castle Rock volunteer who started the grief group. "Mainly, you're just trying to make people feel at ease and comfortable."

If you've visited AdventHealth Castle Rock in the last year, you may have been greeted by Hughes. But behind his friendly smile hides a deep pain.

"My wife of 27 years passed away about a year ago, and so I've been dealing with her grief," said Hughes.

Last year, his wife Sandy lost her second battle with cancer.

"She put up a pretty courageous fight for almost two years," said Hughes. "In a marriage, the two of you bond together and create kind of a third person, and when that person passes, the third person goes away. And to a large extent, who you were goes away too. All your hopes and dreams and aspirations of what the future looked like with that person are gone, and you have to go about reinventing yourself."

It's not the only loss Hughes has experienced. His first wife passed away after the pair had split. And he's lost parents, siblings and friends.

"Grief is just an overwhelming devastation to your world," said Hughes.

Struggling after Sandy's death, Hughes found GriefShare, a support group program offered in churches around the world.

"I learned that a lot of the feelings that I had are very normal. The devastation of it, the where do I go from here? How do I rebuild my life? What happened to my friendships, your hopes, your dreams?" said Hughes. "You can't study your way through grief. You have to live your way through it and face it head on. And what changes is not that the grief goes away, but your ability to deal with it."

His experience inspired Hughes to start a GriefShare group at the hospital with the help of AdventHealth Castle Rock's director of mission integration, Matthew Mundall.

"I'm a chaplain, and so we work with people who are grieving all the time," said Mundall. "I knew there was a need here, there was a big need."

They began the 13-week session in October with up to eight consistent participants. Hughes leads the sessions.

"We intentionally wanted to run it through the holidays, figuring that that's a time when people really need the support," said Hughes. "A lot of people tend to isolate with it. They just are overwhelmed by grief. It can be very debilitating, which is why a program like GriefShare, I think, is so valuable."

"Around the holidays, it's really hard. A lot of people are happy and celebrating the holidays, but a lot of people have lost people over the holidays, and they're missing people that they've lost throughout the year," said Mundall.

Each week, the group watches a GriefShare video, then has a discussion.

"Almost every week, somebody is saying something that will really resonate with you, and that's, I think, the real magic of the program," said Hughes. "You're in a group with people that have experienced some kind of a loss. It could be a child, it could be a parent, could be a spouse, and to be able to know that while your journey is unique, there are other people on that path with you."

They're learning to share the pain of loss and find hope for the future, a new path forward.

"The grief of our loved ones, people we've lost, that will never go away, but our capacity to hold it will grow as we are in community with others," said Mundall.

"That path of grief, they don't have to walk alone. There are others that are there to help them," said Hughes. "There is hope. There is a way through this. Life can be better again."

The GriefShare sessions at the hospital have been so successful that another round will be starting on Jan. 26.

You can learn more about GriefShare or sign up here. Participating costs 20$ to cover course materials.