New book "The Dysregulated Kid" aims to help parents manage child's emotions, reactions

For a frustrated parent, a child's meltdown can look like bad behavior. 

But what if that child isn't choosing to misbehave? What if their nervous system is actually overwhelmed?

That's the premise behind Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge's new book, "The Dysregulated Kid: The Parenting Playbook for Helping Your Child Find Calm in a Chaotic World."

Dr. Capanna-Hodge is a therapist and school psychologist with more than 30 years of experience. She says parents can change how they respond to difficult behavior by first understanding what's happening inside their child's brain and nervous system.

How to spot the difference between defiance and dysregulation?

"If you are noticing that your child of any age is being overreactive to small things, you can just assume that their nervous system is dysregulated and they're not being defiant," Dr. Capanna-Hodge said.

She says once a child has entered this state, it may be difficult for parents to ask them to calm down.

"When the brain is dysregulated, what happens is our frontal lobes, which are our job managers, actually goes offline. So can a kid hear you and respond biologically either not at all, or only a little bit. So it's not the best time to actually have a request."

Dr. Capanna-Hodge instead advises parents to stop, take a three-second pause, breathe, and regulate themselves so their child can co-regulate off them and then they can learn to respond. 

She says simply reacting will not help the child learn how to regulate and respond appropriately and that it's actually it's the parent's nervous system that they learn from so many ways to regulate themselves.

Another thing she advises for parents is to manage and set boundaries for their child's device usage.

"We are social beings. We need to interact with other people, and today, kids are interacting through device usage. When kids are passive scrolling, all they're doing is training their brain to have poor attention, and to not connect socially."

What's the key to regulating the nervous system?

Dr. Capanna-Hodge says you can do so in micro ways throughout the day, from going for a walk to just taking a moment outside.

"It makes a huge difference, and I think the mistake people are making is they're thinking that it has to be these huge activities, which feel overwhelming when you're stressed. So everybody can take 60 seconds and have prayer or breathwork or a heart hug. These are all little things that anybody of any age can do, and they work when we do them consistently."

She says the goal isn't simply getting a child to behave, but helping children learn how to regulate their nervous system so they can better manage stress, emotions and challenges as they grow.

To connect with Dr. Capanna-Hodge, follow her on Facebook, X,  Instagram and TikTok.