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Horrible Horoscopes: Aquarius

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower - Special Screening
OMG SUPER CUTE WITCH WATCH OUT!!! (Credit: Ian Gavan/Getty Images)


Who smelt it dealt it, Aquarius.

For once, I'm not talking about farts.

This is a phrase the stars suggest you heed in every aspect of your life, not just the gassy ones

For example, if you bring up 400-year-old witches, people are going to get awfully suspicious about your background.

Is your background innocent, Aquarius? Filled with a want to defend those who have been wronged, even hundreds of years after the fact?

Or is your background dark and murky? Do you own a black cat? Ride a broom? Host Harry Potter marathons?

Are you a witch?

I don't know, but I just farted.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.


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