BOSTON (CBS) -- Attention, NFL owners -- every single team that has hosted Smash Mouth to play a halftime concert this season is currently undefeated. So don't delay, act now, and book Smash Mouth to play your halftime show soon! Supplies are running out!
Yes, you've read that right. Smash Mouth, the
most popular band of the 1990s 11th or 12th most popular band of 1999, rocked Reliant Stadium last Sunday afternoon, inspiring the boys from Houston to shut out Robert Griffin and the Washington Redskins in the second half.
I mean, think about: If you're a professional football player and you've just endured 30 minutes of grueling NFL action, you're probably feeling a little tired, a little worn-down, and you're starting to lose your will to compete. Your coach is muttering something or other into your ear in the locker room, and you're barely paying any attention, and then ... off in the distance, echoing down the tunnel, penetrating the metal locker room door, you hear smooth baritone of Steve Harwell utter those glorious words you've sung in your shower millions of times before ....
"Some-bahdy once told me the world is gonna roll me ... "
"I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed!" the Texans locker room rejoiced in unison.
The Texans defense then forced fumbles on the only two Washington drives of the third quarter and forced a punt and a failed fourth-down attempt on the only Washington drives of the fourth quarter.
Just look at how fired up J.J. Watt was after the rock show:
That's not the face of a man who needs to ask if he can spare some change for gas, that's for darn sure.
Again, I'll lay it out in simpler form: Smash Mouth rocked, the Texans defense played great, Houston won the game. And you want to call it a coincidence? Please!
Really, the NFL's competition committee ought to investigate whether it's truly an even playing field for the visiting team when the home team gets the unnatural emotional boost of having the Mouth playing tunes at the half. RG3 and the Redskins had no chance!
So there you have it, 31 NFL owners. If you want success, you need #MouthNation to invade your stadium and melt the faces of everyone in attendance with that sweet, sweet rock 'n' roll. If you bring in Smash Mouth, there's no doubt you'll be an All Star.
For audio-visual evidence of the greatest event of the NFL season, check out the top 10 pictures and videos from Smash Mouth's performance.
10. Buy Yourself A History Book, Son
Who remembers Smash Mouth? Um, how about everybody who lived in the '90s and also has ears, pal?
I'll tell ya, this next generation, they wouldn't know true rock 'n' roll if it hit them in the face. True American heroes like Smash Mouth spilling their guts on stage, and the best comment we can come up with is "Who remembers Smash Mouth?" As the kids say, smh! S. M. H.
9. Rock 'n' Roll Outfit
Before taking the stage, Stevie H (I call him Stevie H now) ran through a checklist to make sure the world could see he is a true rocker and roller.
Gold-rimmed sunglasses? Check.
Sensible wristwatch? Check!
Does he look like rock star? I said yep! What a concept.
8. Mess With The Mouth, You Get The Horns!
Toro doesn't pose for pictures with just anybody. The
man bull has high standards. Obviously, when Smash Mouth is in town, it's photo time.
7. Hitting The High Note
I honestly don't know what's a more beautiful sight: The lovely ladies on the Texans cheerleading squad, or the stunning visual of seeing three members of Smash Mouth performing a power ballad on stage.
6. BONUS TRIPPY CLOSE-UP!!!
5. She's A Believer!
It's pretty clear that if this young lady could say one thing to Smash Mouth, it would be, "I can't get enough of you, baby!"
4. New Fans
Many of the Houston cheerleaders are 21 or 22 years old, meaning they were just 8 years old when Smash Mouth was at their real peak. That's much too young to be able to appreciate true rock 'n' roll. So now these lucky gals got to see the Mouth up close and personal, and #MouthNation no doubt has several new members.
3. An Oldie But A Goodie
OK, this picture isn't from Smash Mouth performing in Houston last week. But it is football-related. This picture is from Super Bowl XL in Detroit in 2006, when Stevie H was kind enough to grace the football world with his presence and also hold that little toy doll. Talk about edge.
2. The Shoulder Pop, aka The Harwell Shuffle
One of the single most iconic sounds in the history of rock 'n' roll, the opening notes of "All Star" bring about sheer jubilation to all who are blessed enough to hear them. I mean, just look at Steve Harwell rock that little shoulder dance as he tells the 70,000 lucky fans that he ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. This song came out in 1999, so Harwell has probably sung this song roughly 14 million times, yet he still feels it. The crowd can barely handle its excitement.
He is an American icon.
1. Simply The Best
Let's be honest for a second here, folks. We could live our whole lives without ever having a photograph taken of us where we look this cool. Yet for Stevie H, it happens too regularly to even track. That's just what life is like when you're one of the world's biggest rock stars.
So there you have it. Smash Mouth is king. It's up to the other 31 NFL owners to decide if they want to invite #MouthNation to their stadium. Any team that wants to win ought to make the phone call.
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