The Wedding Planner: Ugh, fruitcake

(CBS) CBS News royals contributor Victoria Arbiter, reporting from London, will be giving CBSNews.com readers daily updates on plans for the April 29 royal wedding.

I love cake. When I heard the royal wedding cakes had been revealed over the weekend I couldn't wait to hear what Kate Middleton, this very modern bride - the epitome of chic and class - had picked.

Pictures: Prince William and Kate Middleton
Special section: The royal wedding

Would it be a moist white mud cake? Perhaps a decadent chocca mocha pecan cake? Even an exotic coconut cream cake?

No such luck. I was utterly flabbergasted to learn that our lovely Kate had plumped for nasty, moldy old "traditional" fruitcake. FRUITCAKE.

Who even likes fruitcake? I certainly don't. It's chewy, has the wrong kind of bits and gets stuck to the roof of your mouth, rendering said orifice as dry as the Gobi Desert. So where - oh where! - did fruitcake come from?

The earliest recipes for fruitcake date back to ancient Rome, but it first became popular in England in the 1400s and reached dizzying heights of fame during Victorian times, when a tea table was not considered complete without a few slices of fruitcake.

Rumor has it that a bride who keeps a piece of her wedding cake will have a loving and faithful husband (I'm guessing Tiger Woods didn't have fruitcake at his wedding). There are even those who save the top tier until their first anniversary.

Not only do they have to stomach it once, but twice? That kind of dedication surely means they'll be married for life.

Since learning about the royal fruitcake, I decided to take a survey to find out if anyone in England really does like it. I asked the young; I asked the old. I asked those with a fondness for savory and those who opt for sweet. I asked the gastro connoisseurs. I even asked those who prefer a common old jam tart.

Much to my chagrin, the ONLY person who actually declared an appreciation for fruitcake was my best friend. I won't be entrusting her with dessert anytime soon. However on April 29, 2011, the privileged 600 won't just have to rely on fruitcake. Life is after all, about choices.

Prince William is gallantly stepping in and saving the day by adding a second cake to the proceedings. Not usually done in England - but I bet the gathered guests will breathe a collective sigh of relief when the chocolate biscuit cake, made from a secret royal family recipe - gets rolled out. All we know about it is that McVitie's, biscuit makers extraordinaire, are in charge, and I bet my little cotton socks that it'll be a good 'un. My mouth's watering already.

If, however, you ever find yourself at the mercy of a hostess with only fruitcake to offer, here's a handy tip to avoid hurting her feelings: Eat the icing. That's the one saving grace. Then crumble the cake all over your plate (if there's no dog to feed it to). It'll look like you loved it so much that you simply devoured it. Your hostess will be delighted, and you will have committed the ultimate Britishism - compulsive politeness.

Until next time, royalphiles, keep calm and carry on.

Read more by The Wedding Planner:

Let's show some royal wedding etiquette
Prince William's ex-girlfriends
Drink tea like the English do

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