The problem with these kinds of questions is that you will either find or fabricate answers to them. You'll scour your past and present to find proof for why you can't get a job, are always broke, or are overweight. Worse yet, if you can't easily discover any legitimate reasons, you'll create some. Either way one thing is certain, whatever you ask you will answer, and often your answer will lead to more problems.
Here's an example of how this works in action. Let's say you've been unemployed for six months and you just received another rejection email. "What's wrong with me?" you ask. "Why can't I get a job?" "Why is everyone else so much better and more qualified than me?" Consciously or unconsciously you will find answers to these questions. "I must be bad at interviews, have a weak resume, or be a poor communicator." Often this line of questioning will not only discourage and frustrate you, but it can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein you sabotage future interviews.
A much more effective strategy is to ask solution-focused questions. Instead of "Why can't I get a job?" the following are much better questions because they lead directly to solutions:
- What can I do to make a positive and lasting impression during my next interview?
- What would I have to do to get a job in the next 30 days?
- How can I become more qualified than any of the other candidates?
- What other skills do I have that I can emphasize that will make up for my lack of experience?
- What five things can I do to stand out from the 100 other applicants?
If you're thinking that solution-focused questions are not only effective for shifting your own focus but helping others find positive strategies instead of more problems, you get a gold star. Last week I received an email with not-so-great news. I immediately typed the reply "What's the problem? Why isn't this working?" Just before I was about to hit the Send button I realized that these were terrible questions that would focus the conversation on what wasn't working instead of what might work. I changed my reply to simply "Wonder what we need to do..." Guess what I received back? Yup. Some great solutions and ideas to turn things around that NEVER would have been discussed had I sent the problem-focused question.
The challenge is that most of us have been asking problem-focused questions for years or even decades. The solution is to become more conscious of your questions. The next time your automatic response is "Why isn't this working?" become solution-focused and ask "How can we make this work?"
If you need some added inspiration, wear a rubber band on your wrist. Every time you ask a problem-focused question, give yourself a snap and rephrase the question. It might take a few days or even weeks to break the habit, but before long I guarantee that you will have a bruised wrist and a lot fewer problems...
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