In response to the post "How to Write a Killer Elevator Pitch", a Sales Machine reader just sent me with three potential "lead-ins" to his elevator speech. I just wrote a fourth one.
Here's a poll. Pick which lead-in is best, then click the link below to see which one I wrote, and why I think it's superior.
The one I wrote (and the only one that's going to work) is #3. Here's why:
- #1. We are an environmental consultancy focused on creating a competitive advantage for clients by maximizing resources and tapping into marketing and tax incentives. My comment: I have no idea what an "environmental consultancy" is, so that's wasted words. "Competitive advantage" and "maximizing resources" are just biz-blab. The only part that's worthwhile is "marketing and tax incentives" but even that isn't quantified, so I have no idea what it really means.
- #2. We provide solutions for our clients to operate cost effectively and maximize market share. We operate in South Florida, Latin America and the Caribbean. My comment: Ugh. "We provide...market share" is a generic description of why B2B companies exist, so it's a big shrug. As for where you operate? Who gives a flying? And the whole thing says nothing about the client.
- #3. We help firms reduce their environmental impact so they can more easily attract investors, recruit top employees, and avoid taxes and fines.
My comment: This is the one I wrote. It explains in plain English what the firm does and exactly what the customer is supposed to get out of the relationship.
- #4. We allow people, businesses and the environment to co-exist for the mutual benefit and advancement of all.
My comment: Kumbaya, my lord... Kumbaya...