Pass The Cheese Sommelier
But now I get the feeling that maybe we're all taking our cheese a little too seriously when I see that Crystal Cruises has begun to offer the services of dedicated "cheese sommeliers" on selected cruises. These cheese-whizzes are supposed to knock heads with the wine stewards and come up with wine-and-cheese combinations that will blow you out of the water, so to speak. As Crystal explained in a recent press release, the cheese sommeliers all pass rigorous tests from something called the "International Cheese Academy," which is located somewhere in Austria. Their mission is not just to serve you cheese at the end of the meal, but to "educate" you as to your cheese choices, deliver wry (as well as rye) comments about the origins of your cheese, and ensure that you have, I suppose, a cheeserific experience.
Oh give me a break, and just pass the cheese, will you? I don't need a cheese sommelier to convince me that I like cheese, and that I should sample little wedges of every crottin, pyramid and gooey round of cheese that comes my way. Do you need a pig sommelier to tell you how to eat a pork chop? My advice to you is to steer clear of anything orange and labeled "American"; Velveeta goes beautifully with bread toasted in a skillet (grilled cheese sandwich in English; croque monsieur in French); anything called "cheese food" is not cheese; yes, you should eat the rinds, and if it stinks to high heaven, it's good cheese.
And I didn't even have to go to Austria to learn all that.