My Micro-Managing Boss and I Share an Office
Dear Evil HR Lady,
I need your advice. I work for a small non-profit performing arts company. I am in an entry level position. My problem is that I share an office with another associate and our manager. 3 people + 1 small space = lots of frustration. My boss tends to micromanage, asking several times a day "what are you working on?" even just after she's assigned me a project. Her mood tends to set the tone for our office - if she's sighing a lot, we'd better shut up and fast, even if we are supposed to be on the phone. Her tense moods permeate our office in such a way that co-workers from other departments will ask if everything is okay. It's that palpable.
Her particular ticks and quirks abound, but my question is, how do I deal? I've been here for a year and enjoy many of my other colleagues. I want to improve our working environment. Is there a polite, non-threatening way to tell her to chill out/calm down/give me a little space? I constantly feel like I'm under a microscope and it doesn't help that she rarely takes breaks or vacations: she is always at work. I want a chance to work independently and sort out an issue, but in this environment I feel totally stifled. What can I do or say towards improvement? Is there a whole new way of approaching my work that will alleviate this frustration?
Most managers, even bad ones, are flattered with the idea that they can teach you something. So, we need to get her to stop micro-managing you by making her think it's her idea. I call it micro-manipulating your way out of micro-management.
Step one: A new office. This may be impossible, given the set up of your building. But, if you believe it would be possible for you to be separated, you should work towards this. The key is not that you need a new office, after all you're a lowly entry level employee. But she needs a new office because she's so important, valuable and high up. Regularly tell her how it's terrible that she doesn't have her own office, or her own whatever (cube, closet, corner, etc.) because a MANAGER should have her own office. Hopefully this will get her pushing her boss to get her own space. If you know of a place you could go, volunteer. "You know if you moved me over to sit next to Randy, then while it wouldn't be your OWN OFFICE, which I still can't believe you don't have, it wouldn't be quite so crowded."
Step two: Make her your mentor. I know you are thinking, but she's driving me nuts! Why would I want her to "mentor" me any further? Well, you don't. But what you want her to think is that leaving you alone is because it's a step to becoming more like her. Try this type of dialogue:
You: I really love it here and hope to stay for a long time. I need to learn to be more like you, though, if I want to be successful here. One of the things I've noticed is that you work very independently. I think this is a skill I need to learn if I'm going to become successful like you are.
The key is whatever suggestion you make (leave me the heck alone!) you do so by including phrases that compliment her. If you can make her think she's thinking this up, all the better.
Step three: Gentle feedback. Micro-managers who huff and puff and put everyone else on edge aren't likely to be the types that want a 360 degree assessment of themselves. So, if you sit down with her and lay out her faults it will not result in her saying, "Oh, I didn't realize I did that! I'll stop right now." When she says, "what are you working on?" just after she's told you what to do nicely reply, "Thanks, Karen. I'm working on X, since you just asked me to do that." You must say this nicely. And repeatedly. Our goal here is to point out to her that you do what she asked.
When she's grumpy and putting you on edge say, "Karen, is this a bad time for me to make phone calls? I need to call X, Y, and Z but I can see that you're really busy." Busy being a euphemism for really grouchy jerk.
When she picks on every little thing, bring it back around to the mentoring step. "Thanks Karen. I want to try to learn to work independently like you do. Let me finish this project and then get feedback. It's the only way I can learn to be successful."
Step four: Reward good behavior. Have you ever trained a dog? You can't just explain, "Go on now, roll over," and expect the dog to do it. You have to reward when the dog does the desired behavior and hope he picks up on the fact that rolling over when you say "roll over" means treat. It works with people too. So, when she does something good reward her for it. I don't know what she'd consider a reward, but since you've been sharing an office with her for a year, you probably do.
For instance, when she leaves you alone for a set period of time, ask her a question that makes her look smart. Yes, you can resort to actual treats, but it's best to have her associate good behavior with praise or whatever floats her boat.
Step five: Get outside help. If the first four steps aren't making a difference, and your group has an HR person who is not an idiot (and I say that lovingly, but I know that there are some really lousy HR people out there), go to her and say, "I am having a problem understanding how to best carry out my role. Can you coach me?" Use the word coach because we HR people don't like to solve other people's problems but we sure as heck love to coach them in how to do it. Make sure you focus on the fact that you need to change and not that your boss is a big micro-managing bully.
If you don't have an HR person to go to, you can cautiously approach your boss's boss. And i say cautiously because you don't want to be seen as trying to go over her head. Again, present it as you are the one that needs help, not your manager. Chances are your boss's boss will know all about those problems, so she might be willing to offer you some specific help without you even mentioning it is a problem.
At the end of the day, if you love your job and your boss is a minor annoyance, just suck it up and deal. Work is work because it's hard. That's why they give us money. If the hardest thing is dealing with your boss, then consider yourself lucky.
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