Mommy, Am I Fat?

No longer issues just for the super-model, questions of dieting, obesity and body image are arising on the playground. One study reports that 40 percent of nine-year-olds have admitted to dieting.

Lori Alrod visits The Early Show to talk about how parents can help their children develop good eating habits without developing eating disorders and poor body images.

A mother of two, Alrod is a psychotherapist and consultant specializing in the treatment of eating disorders. She offers workshops for parents and children.

What do you do if your child asks if he or she is fat? Alrod says first you have to find out what prompted the question. She says, "First, find out how your children feel about their body. Do they think they're fat? And, where did they get the notion that they are fat."

You have to be careful to be honest, but not devastating, in your answers. Parents need to watch their words. Alrod says, "If they are fat and you say 'No,' you will lose credibility with your children." Alrod continues, "It is important to reassure your child by saying, "I love you the way you are. Are you happy with how you are?"

If your child indicates that she is unhappy with her body, then you engage in a conversation with about what she might do to change things. Alrod says, "It's important to give your kids control and let them help work out the plan. The conversation might take the form of: What do you think we should do to be healthier? Do you think we could take a walk instead of watching too much TV? Parents should try and incorporate more physical activities in the daily schedule. And, these are activities for the child and the parent."

These kinds of conversations can happen at all ages, from 4-years-old and up. Parents need to structure the information in ways that the children can understand.

The key is finding out where children got the idea that there's something wrong with them. You can take steps to correct it once you discover that. Is that information coming from school or from friends? Are they getting it from the media? Are they getting that message from you?

It's a good idea to show your children who they are in the family. If you are from a family of short people it's unlikely you will have a tall child. So, if you have children fretting about their body image you might discuss how they have a certain body type based on their family genetics. This can help the children accept themselves for who they are and give up unrealistic goals.
Alrod says that the modeling done by parents really influences children. Are you always being self-critical of your body? Do you continually talk about your own need to diet and exercise, complaining that your thighs are too big? Are you continually on a diet and obsessively discussing food issues in front of the children? Do you eat with the children? Alrod says, "What the parent does really influences the child's behavior." Alrod knows of young children who worry that they need to diet or are too fat. And, it's a direct result of what they see their moms doing.

Alrod has the following five tips for parents:

Be A Positive Role Model
Alrod says it's important to not make any changes about weight. It's about promoting a healthy lifestyle in the home. She says, "Parents have an enormous influence on their children's lives. As role models, it is vitally important for parents to talk with their children, not in terms of weight and calories, but in terms of healthy lifestyles. Kids will mimic your behavior. If you sit on the couch watching TV and eating chips all the time, that's what the kids will do."

She adds, "Children learn through observation. If you don't engage in a healthy lifestyle it is more likely they won't either."

Accept Your Child's Body Size
Alrod says, "We are all born with different genetic makeup. Do not try to change a child's body size because of your own expectations of how your child should look. Don't compare your child's body to another's. Never comment on your child's shape or weight. Don't say things like, 'We will love you even if you can't fit through the door sideways,' or 'You would be so much prettier if you lost 10 pounds.' Those things never help."

Communicate And Express Feelings In Your Home
Alrod says, "The home has to be a safe place to communicate. Your children need to know they can express themselves without feeling judged." Children are prone to develop eating disorders as a way to deal with feelings they are not allowed to express. Children who become compulsive eaters learn to use food to help them deal with feelings of anger, hurt, loneliness, abandonment and fear. A child who is unable to express emotions may become an emotional eater. If parents are too involved in their own problems, the child may turn to food for comfort. A parent needs to show interest in the child by taking time to focus on his/her emotions.

Don't Allow Derogatory Comments
Alrod encourages parents to listen to what their children and their friends say. There need to be clear rules in the home that mocking someone because of the way he/she looks or feels is unacceptable. If you hear the kids spending too much time talking about diet or being fat, explain to your children that this isn't a good way to focus their time and it can lead to feeling bad about themselves. Teach your children to be assertive and speak up when their friends start unhealthy conversations.

Help Build Your Child's Self Esteem
Alrod says, "A healthy self-esteem is one of the greatest, yet most difficult, gift you can give a child. Children need to be validated." If children grow up to love and accept their bodies, they must be raised to love and accept themselves. Parents need to provide unconditional love. They need to be supportive and nurturing to help build self-esteem. Children need to know that you are proud of them for who they are, not what they look like.

She adds, "We're always correcting or telling our children what they didn't do, but we need to tell them every day about all the things that they do right."

We need to compliment our children on their positive personality traits to help build good self-esteem.