Keeping Your Cool

Disciplining your child isn't always easy; at some point, every parent loses their cool. Kate Kelly, Managing Editor of American Baby Magazine, has some tips for avoiding an adult temper tantrum.

First, remember that discipline is not about punishing your child. "Discipline is about teaching," says Kelly. "They learn how to behave from the limits you set and the way that you respond to what they do."

Be sure to set realistic expectations for your child. "Know who you're dealing with," says Kelly. "When you're dealing with a toddler under 18 months, they really can't control their impulses - it's just not possible." Kelly says it's best to create a safe environment where they can explore their world on their own. Telling a child not to touch something just isn't effective, so instead, remove all hazards and let them take it all in.

However, removing all the fragile items from your living room doesn't ensure that your child won't do something they shouldn't. If your child does misbehave, avoid telling them "no" repeatedly. Just like a person who lives near the airport learns to ignore the constant sound of jets whizzing by, children learn to ignore words that they hear over and over. "There's a way to phrase things so that you avoid the word 'no', but you're still getting your message across," says Kelly. Instead of saying "No standing on the couch," try saying, "Your feet belong on the floor."

If your child does throw a tantrum, validate their feelings. "We have a tendency to be upset when our children are upset," says Kelly. Recognize that your child's emotions are real. They are truly angry that you have to leave the park or that you won't buy them a candy bar at the grocery store. Tell them that you understand they are upset, but that it's time to go home. Then stick to your word.

By sticking to your word, you're being consistent, and Kelly says that consistency is another key to getting your child to behave. "Kids learn by testing, and the more the rules change, the more they're going to test to see what happens," she says. Instead of having several rules that can be difficult to enforce, focus on a few key rules that you can implement consistently.

When a predicament does arise, help your child be part of the solution to the problem. By doing so, you're helping your child to develop problem solving skills and teaching them to think critically. Ask your child what they think should be done to remedy the situation. Also, encourage amends between siblings. This teaches your child to respect other people's feelings.

Remember that most misbehavior stems from a child's desire for attention. If you praise them when they do something right, they're more likely to repeat that behavior in the future. Positive reinforcement shows your children that good behavior gets them more attention - and a better reaction from Mom or Dad - than bad behavior.

If all else fails and you feel yourself losing your cool, take a breather. Have a cup of tea, read a book - whatever calms you down. Taking a moment or two for yourself will help you see things in a new light.

For more information on disciplining your child, as well as other parenting advice, visit the American Baby website by clicking here.

By Erin Petrun