I've Been Passed Over and I'm Upset About It
Dear Ron:
After several months of competing, I just found out that a colleague of mine has been promoted over me to be head of our group. I don't think she's nearly as qualified as me and I just don't think I can continue working under her. What should I do?
Losing is always difficult for competitive people, but it's also an experience to learn from. Over the course of your career, you'll win some battles and you'll lose some, and you need to learn to handle the inevitable setbacks. So your first challenge is to manage your own emotions and not let them get the best of you, because you can be sure that the people who made the decision to promote your colleague over you are aware that you might be upset about it, and are watching to see how you respond. So any open displays of resentment or insubordination should be avoided.
Despite your feelings that the decision may have been unfair, now is also the time to find out why your peer was selected over you. You want to talk to your boss and perhaps other key players who had a hand in the decision and ask if they can help you understand their thinking, in the context of helping you to improve and grow. You should also talk to colleagues who know both of you well and ask them for their candid thoughts about what gave your former colleague the edge. Promotions are not always based on hard numbers and results, but also intangibles like fit, personality, and other "soft skills." So you want to know more about any perceived weak spots you have so that you can continue advancing at your company.
All that said, if you really can't see yourself continuing to work effectively under your former colleague, one option is to see if there's other positions at your company you might be able to transfer to. See if there's any way to strike a deal to work for someone else; your former peer may even support this because she may find it uncomfortable having you work for her and may agree that another position would be best.
I once worked with a manager at a telecommunications company who was in the same situation and just couldn't handle it. He would sigh deeply and roll his eyeballs in response to her comments and suggestions, and criticized her within the group every chance he got. His new boss put him on notice that he needed to improve his attitude, but he continued to be resentful and his performance suffered. Eventually, his new boss fired him after just eight months.
Compare this to another former client, a senior manager at an energy company, who wound up under a former peer as the result of a restructuring. Though he didn't like the decision, he made the best of it by putting on a great face and continuing to work hard. At the same time, he lobbied other people at the company to get into a new role, and within six months, he was out of there and has since moved on to other senior roles at the company.
Always remember that while you may lose some games over the course of your career, you're playing to win the championship. So how you respond to those losses is just as important -- and perhaps more important -- than your response to those victories.