Improving Dialogue With Your Man

We all know the basis of a solid relationship is good communication, but men and women tend to differ on what that means.

Kate White, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, visits The Early Show to share some helpful information on improving the dialogue in your relationship.

"Women are ready to chat 24/7, and guys, they're just hard wired and socialized differently," White tells co-anchor Rene Syler. "I read a study that said the average woman speaks 6,000 to 8,000 words every day and the average guys speaks 2,000 to 4,000."

And she notes a big mistake women make is talking to their men as they do to their girlfriends. Men do not react in the same way.

"It's important to understand that what works for him doesn't work for you," she says and notes women need to know a different set of skills when talking with a man.

They are:

  • Figure Out His Timing – Figure out when he likes to talk. Says White, "You want to test the waters because if you see that he's just pushing you away or looks uncomfortable, that's not the right time."
  • Read His Hints – White explains, "They will give signals that they've got something on their minds, particularly something troubling. Maybe they'll give us a subtle complaint that's the tip of the iceberg. For instance, what about the guy who says: Why do we always have to go out? Maybe he is worried about cash flow."
  • Don't Pounce – "There are two key words, casual and concrete," White says. "Casual: Keep it light, easy. Don't make it seem like you're more invested in the conversation than him. Don't coddle him: Sweetie, what is it? Talk to me. Then you sound like mommy. In fact, it's often good to do parallel conversation like when you are driving so you don't seem to pounce. And be concrete: Be careful with the open-ended questions like: How was work today? Instead say something like: Is your boss still on the war path? It gives him some place to go with the answer."
  • Stroke His Ego- "A little fluffing of the feathers is good," White says. "Maybe you say - again if you're talking about work- 'Gee, you always handle things so well. I wish I had your sense of calm.' But don't gush: 'Oh, you're the best guy in the world at work,' because again, that's too much about feelings. They don't buy it, and you want to have credibility.

    "If he feels he can talk to you, and it's credible, and you're understanding, and you're not pouncing or telling him what he's thinking, he'll be back for more the next time.

Here are a few tips from Cosmopolitan Magazine article, "How To Crack His Silence."