Happily Ever After

To conclude the weeklong special series about married life called "After I Do," The Saturday Early Show searched and found a couple to share their secrets of long lasting love.

Laurie Wagner, co-author of "Living Happily Ever After," also visits. She shares what she found out in the successful marriages she researched for her book.

"Living Happily Ever After," is based on the 1994 Academy Award nominated documentary film "For Better Or For Worse" by David Collier. Wagner was a researcher on that film and did many of the interviews. The film presents portraits of 5 couples who were married for 50 years and longer. The book covers the stories of 30 couples who were together 30 years or more.

"Many of us have this fantasy that we'll meet the right person, a soul mate, fall in love and that's that, the marriage will take care of itself, we'll never fall out of love, we won't fight, there won't be a sexual dry spell etc. Then, when people start having problems in their marriage, which is inevitable-there's this tendency to feel that they're in the wrong marriage, with the wrong partner. That definitely contributes to the 50% divorce rate. The book challenged all of that," says Wagner.

And while there is no magic formula, common goodness mixed with the following made the difference for these people, she adds. The following are the common things she found in all the marriages:

1. Reasonable expectations: "Today we expect mates who can meet our spiritual, physical, sexual and psychological needs. Back then you met a sweet girl, she had nice legs, he was handsome, he had prospects, that was enough. There wasn't the same importance put on feeling happy all the time or getting all of your needs met. Our parents' and grandparents' generation had gone through war and the depression, tough times, and I think they expected a kind of simple happiness from their marriages not fireworks and salvation."
2. They let things go and forgave each other more easily: "Maybe this is a condition of duration and what happens over time. You sift what's important from what's not. It's also a result of having reasonable expectations."
3. They married with the belief that they would stay married: "Till death
   Do us part. I was at a wedding recently and the rabbi asked the groom and bride to close their eyes and get in touch with how much they really wanted to be married to the other person, and I was really struck by that. It reminded me of the couples in the book because their intention to stay married was paramount. Marriage is such hard work. It's only a matter of time before we hurt or disappoint each other, even inadvertently so keeping the vision of togetherness alive is fundamental to it happening."