STUART, Fla. -- The Florida college student accused of randomly killing a couple and chewing on the dead man’s face wrote about being bullied, dealing with anxiety and accepting his death, new court documents reveal.
The Palm Beach Post reports more than 100 pages of Austin Harrouff’s writing were released by the State Attorney’s Office along with hundreds of other documents inside the discovery file made public Wednesday.
The 19-year-old Harrouff had a trace amount of marijuana in his system when he allegedly beat and stabbed John Stevens, 59, and his 53-year-old wife, Michelle Mishcon, outside their Tequesta-area home Aug. 15, according to the report. Martin County Sheriff’s deputies said they found Harrouff on top of Stevens biting his face.
Newly released drug test results showed Harrouff was not high on a synthetic drug like flakka or bath salts, whose abusers have been known to become suddenly and irrationally violent. Florida law enforcement officials speculated Harrouff might have been under the influence of a synthetic drug during the attack, but said only the tests would give a clear answer.
When Harrouff was transported to St. Mary’s Medical Center he reportedly told investigators he “ate something bad.” When asked what, Harrouff replied, “humans.”
He’s charged with two counts of first-degree murder.
The files, which are titled “journal” by investigators, include at least one school project and what appear to be lyrics, and date back to 2013.
“You say my big heart’s gonna kill me one day, my head roller coasting with these drugs in my brain,” Harrouff wrote in an undated writing released this week. “So why do it anyways? Why do it anyways?”
“Do you know what it feels like to be so afraid to speak? Becoming a bully ‘cause all the bullies bullied me,” Harrouff wrote according to an undated document. “(Expletive) man, I just wanted to be accepted. The anxiety I feel inside feels like I internally bleed.”
Harrouff writes about depression and anger, reports CBS affiliate WPEC, writing he was “born a trouble-making kid, made every single teacher flip their lid.”
Internet history from Harrouff’s phone showed search terms including “How to sell your soul to the Devil,” “How do I let God into my life” and “How to contact Oprah Winfrey,” the station reports. He also searched for information about mental disorders, and once searched, “Why am I losing my emotions?”
In the days before the killings, Harrouff talked about having “superpowers” and being immortal, family has said.
Dozens of videos posted on YouTube by Harrouff under the name AustiFrosti show sides of the Florida State University student, from a fitness advisor to an amateur rapper talking about drugs and sex.
Authorities also released extremely graphic crime scene photos this week, according to the station. One shows Stevens in a pool of blood with several gashes on his body. Another shows a trail of blood in the driveway along with a beer bottle and sunglasses, blood spatters on plastic containers in the garage, and a pair of scissors.
Other photos show a bloodied Harrouff in handcuffs.
One Harrouff’s attorneys, Nellie King, said her client has a mental illness, but did not say if he had been diagnosed with a specific disorder.
“Austin is struggling with severe mental illness and the judicial process will bear all of this out in due time,” King said in a statement released Wednesday.
Harrouff’s parents had also expressed worry for their son’s mental health. On the day of the fatal attacks, Harrouff’s mother called 911 to say her son had stormed off from dinner with his father.
“He’s acting a little strange. It seems like he’s a little delusional,” Mina Harrouff said to a dispatcher. “Or he’s acting like schizophrenia.”