Finding Love In A Blindfold
Valentine's Day is supposed to mean romance and roses. But for those who have not found their special someone, it can be a lonely day.
On Monday's The Early Show, relationship expert Dr. Phil McGraw was back to
He brought along Ashley Carter, one of the single women he had invited to a place he calls "Love Island," where a group of young singles learned to make better choices when looking for love.
All the women there were single and unlucky in love. Dr. Phil said on the broadcast that it had to be more than a coincidence.
"They must be doing something to self-destruct because when you have personality, you have intelligence, looks, energy, and you are not connecting, you have got to be throwing up some barriers in front of yourself," he told co-anchor Julie Chen. "And these women were doing exactly that."
Carter arrived thinking her ideal man must be tall, dark and handsome, slim with nice teeth and in top physical condition. That's what Dr. Phil calls "loving dumb" and he tried to cure Carter by putting her in a blindfold and sending her out on a date with a guy named John, who was well outside of her regular requirements.
She told Chen she learned a lot from that experiment.
"John is such a nice guy, and he is such a gentleman," Carter said. "He had to direct me around the streets and make sure I didn't fall down."
While she did not feel any special chemistry with John, she had a nice time with him and called him a great guy, admitting she would never have given him a chance in the past.
"I would have passed right over him," she told Chen.
Dr. Phil says women need to break out of the habit of "loving dumb," by looking beyond their laundry lists of superficial qualities.
"What you want to focus on is, 'How do I want to feel? What experience do I want to have?' And if you have that, you don't care if he's short, tall, smart, dumb, wealthy or not," he said. "If you find that person that makes you feel the way you want to feel, then don't cross him off the list because he doesn't fit some preconceived notion you have of what you are looking for.
"Loving smart says, 'I'm going to get my needs met and find out what I want.' "
Carter said she came home from "Love Island" with a new perspective on dating. "I still think you have to have chemistry, obviously. You have to be attracted to somebody, but I've been asked out by guys before that weren't my mold. They weren't my tall, dark and handsome, and I wouldn't go out with them. Now, at least I am going to go out with them and give them a chance and find out other things.
"What I learned is once I get to know somebody, their personality can make them more attractive to me."
It's a lesson Dr. Phil hits home in his new book, "Love Smart." And Tuesday on The Early Show, he will speak with Paula Abdul about why she has been so unlucky in love.