Conquering Nerves

If you see yourself failing at something, you're more likely to fail. Try to get your imagination going in a positive direction. Instead of seeing yourself getting it all spectacularly wrong, see yourself succeeding extraordinarily. Train your mind to be positive, and your mind and body are likely to stay in that positive mode for your presentation. Don't let negative images or words pollute your preparation.

Breathe. We're not particularly good at managing our breathing, but it is the key to relaxing yourself so you can observe and hear what's going on. That's important because, to say the right thing at the right time, you must be sensitive to people and correctly read the dynamics of the situation. Breathe calmly (more on this below), and relax yourself so you can take in the information you need and formulate what you're going to say. Another tip: don't worry about a short silence while you collect your thoughts.

You may be surprised to learn that some of the best performers have struggled with shyness and nerves, like actors Chris Cooper and Sally Field. Many have severe bouts of nerves before taking the stage and delivering a polished and professional performance. To help overcome your natural shyness, think of your presentation as having a conversation rather than giving a talk. It also helps to break the ice by meeting a few people from your audience before you speak; you can make a connection with them that you can build on while you're speaking. Be friendly, smile, look people in the eyes, ask questions if appropriate, and take the listening time to breathe and relax. Do your best to really enjoy the experience.

Although the effects of a bout of nerves show themselves physically, it's our state of mind that triggers them. Fears that we'll make a fool of ourselves or that we'll fail to achieve our aims commonly drive our nervous reactions.

You're probably familiar with the "fight or flight" response. Thousands of years ago, when we were surviving in a physically hostile world populated by wild predators and human enemies, our fight or flight response enabled us to fuel our strength so we could overpower or at least outrun whoever was chasing us. In the moment of need, our bodies would release adrenalin, our hearts would pump faster, our blood would be super-oxygenated, and our muscles would be fed—all to achieve higher levels of performance. This process enabled human beings to survive and build the (relatively) safe, sophisticated, and cerebral world that we enjoy today.

The catch is that our bodies still react to fear—real or imagined—in the same way.

When we're giving a presentation, our fear of failure gives rise to the fight or flight response along with its characteristic bodily reactions, but these now have nowhere to go. We don't take flight and neither do we fight, but instead, we stand still, tell ourselves not to be so silly, and try to combat the panic. By this time, there's no point in trying to use our mind to control the effects of fear because our body has taken control and is doing its job perfectly well. This lack of control gives rise to further feelings of anxiety, which signal the body to try harder because the threat has not disappeared and there is still work to be done. More adrenalin…faster heart beat…busy muscles…and on and on.

There are two ways to break this cycle: through the mind and through the body.

• Try visualization as a technique for removing the fear stimulus. Imagine your audience receiving your information enthusiastically, being interested in what you're saying, and applauding when you've finished. Enhance this image with feelings of satisfaction, achievement, and pride. Picture yourself leaving the spotlight feeling confident and happily acknowledging those who come up to you afterward to congratulate you on your performance.
• Think through your presentation or performance beforehand so that you are both practically and mentally prepared. If you're likely to be asked questions on your presentation, imagine what these might be and prepare some answers. If it helps, write them down, and read over them a few times.
• Get as much information about your audience as possible. This will help you target your talk appropriately and demonstrate that you understand their needs well and see things from their perspective. This attention will help win them over and put them on your side.

Working through the exercises above will help remove the threat you may perceive from your audience and fill your mind with positive images. If the threat is removed through visualization, you're unlikely to experience the severe physiological responses.

Some of these well-known relaxation techniques will help prevent your body from triggering the "fear response."

• Take a few minutes to put your impending performance out of your mind and focus on calming your breathing. . Breathe deeply into your stomach, hold your breath for a few seconds, and breathe out again. Do this several times in a quiet spot away from the action.
• Relax your body. Sit in a chair and concentrate on each muscle group one by one. Working from your feet to your forehead, contract and relax your muscles. Feel the before-and-after difference. If you find yourself becoming tense again, go back to the problem muscles and contract and release again, breathing deeply and steadily as you do so.
• Drink some water before your performance to prevent your mouth from becoming dry (a sign of nervousness). Keep another glass beside you so you can refresh your mouth as you go.

Remember that your body language will reflect your state of mind. If you're nervous, you may brace yourself and try to make yourself appear smaller so the wild predators won't see you. You may feel the urge to find something to lean against or hang on to so that you get a feeling of support. Resist the temptation to shrink or grab for support, though, as such actions will only draw more attention to your nerves. Instead, try these tactics:

• Practice standing solidly, with your knees locked back, and legs slightly apart. Resist the temptation to entwine your legs around each other like spaghetti—you're more likely to fall.
• If you need to take notes on-stage, use cards rather than floppy paper that will rustle and quiver if your hands shake.
• Open body gestures make you look larger and stronger. Point to the presentation screen from your shoulder. Find an opportunity to open your arms in an inclusive gesture. Occupy more space on the stage by taking one or two steps from time to time. Look your audience in the eyes in a friendly, confident manner.
• Project your voice well, so you can be heard in the back of the room. Your tone and pitch will convey how much you believe in your message. If the venue is new to you and you have the opportunity for a practice session, ask a friend or colleague to stand at the back of the room as you practice and indicate whether you are projecting well.
• Dress comfortably and appropriately. Don't take risks with your image by experimenting with clothing that is complicated or out of character for you.

Putting ourselves under too much pressure to overcome our nerves can be counter-productive. Set reasonable goals, take things one step at a time, and give yourself an opportunity to celebrate each small success. Build on your successes incrementally. If you challenge yourself to change your speaking style entirely right before the biggest presentation of your career, you're likely to fail—and it can be very difficult to recover from an experience like that. Instead, try to build your confidence steadily over many speaking experiences.

When people want to appear confident and competent, they may deny that they suffer from nerves and try to put up a brave front. At best, this will make it seem as if you're suppressing the real "you." At worst, you'll seem arrogant. . Putting on masks can be helpful in some situations, for example, if the real you is hidden somewhere in the role that you've decided to act out. But being someone else isn't a good way to overcome nerves. Sometimes it's better to acknowledge your perceived shortcomings and find a role model, mentor, or coach who can help you.

Many would-be presenters who are overcome by nerves avoid dealing with it, thinking that they just have to get through their ordeal and somehow arrive at the other side. But it can be life-enhancing to face your fears and find a dignified way to conquer them. Often when we look our fears in the face, they begin to subside, especially if we practice techniques to master them. To overcome nerves in speaking, rehearsing is extremely helpful, whether it's in front of friends, family, or even the mirror. If you're able to video yourself rehearsing, so much the better; you'll learn a lot.

Carducci, Bernardo. The Shyness Breakthrough. New York: Rodale Books, 2003.

Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking: www.businessknowhow.com/growth/public-speaking.htm

Emory Healthcare Voice Center: www.emoryhealthcare.org/departments/voice_center/patient_info/FAQs.html

Shyness (of entertainers): www.talentdevelop.com/introversion2.html