Kate White, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, visits The Early Show to debunk some of the most common stand-by-your-man myths. They are featured in the July issue of the magazine.
Here are the five most common mistakes women make:
Getting In Super Good With His Friends
White says, "You've always heard that guys are influenced by what their friends think and if you get in good with their friends, that will help you with your relationship. But women frequently go overboard. And, sometimes that can create a little jealousy. You need to understand that his friend is his 'go-to' guy. When you connect with that person, you are going to upset the balance of the relationship."
She continues, "Women can bond with a stranger on the bus. We tell each other our life stories. Well, what if you do that with his best friend? And then you end up knowing more about him than he does? You've usurped something from him. And your boyfriend may resent that extra knowledge that you have.
"And, maybe if you are too close to his friend, he'll stop confiding in the friend. You've upset the balance of the relationships, which isn't something you want to do," White explains.
Being Too Low-Maintenance
White says there's a reason women start being low maintenance: Guys encourage it. They'll say, "Gee your hair looks so good in a pony-tail." Or, "I love you without makeup." And that's okay, but don't take that too far.
She says, "Part of being with a partner is being able to let your guard down and be who you are. And guys tell us they like low-maintenance women. But what they really like are emotional low-maintenance women. They don't necessarily want you to stop working on the appearance thing."
She continues, "We need to remember that men are visual creatures. Don't go low-maintenance on your appearance. They love the way you look, the way you smell. And it's important in a relationship to keep the surprise thing going. At night, you might want to vamp it up a bit. Don't go for too long without make a special effort to look good. He will deny it's important, but he does want you to pull out the sexy card from time to time."
Never Putting Him In His Place
White worries that sometimes, in the interest of not wanting to seem too nagging, women forget to set boundaries and let guys know what's acceptable behavior and what isn't.
White says, "Men like to test the boundaries. If you don't call him on it, he'll think he got away with it. So you might want to clear the air. You can say, 'It bothered me that I had to sit here for 15 minutes and it really got the evening off to a bad start for me.' You want to let him know so he doesn't cross the line again." White believes it's important to not be taken advantage of in a relationship.
Being Honest All The Time
Honesty is the best policy, but not necessarily all the time. White says, "When you're in a relationship, women may feel hey, 'It's all about honesty.' And, granted, you don't want to ever lie about the big stuff. But, it's important to know when to use the 'little white lie.'"
She explains, "If he asks you what your parents think about him, you don't need to tell him, 'They don't think you're a ball of fire.'"
She says, "When confronted with this kind of situation you have to ask yourself, 'Is this going to advance anything if I give him this information?' If your parents aren't going to be happy with him, no matter what, why bother sharing their opinions of him with him. You have to just make a judgment call."
She describes a situation where you witness your guy giving a talk and it isn't the greatest. You don't have to share that with him, but after time, and when he's preparing to do another talk, you can offer some helpful suggestions for improvement. "You want to help someone and not undermine them. And it gives you the chance to give some guidance," says White.
Always Prioritizing The Relationship
White says it is very important for the relationship to be No.1, but it's also good for women to be on their own a little.
She says, "Autonomy can be intoxicating. It's good for us to recharge, and go off, and do something for our own sakes. You need to get reacquainted with who you are, and when you go back to your partner, the relationship is stronger. When you invest in yourself, you are really building self-esteem that isn't tied to the relationship. And independence can be a real turn-on for guys."