"American Idol": Jennifer Lopez writhes on the floor, Jacob Lusk exits stage left
This was something of a relief. It meant he wasn't telling us that there would be a shock, a horror, a reason for kvetching and the rending of garments. It surely meant that Jacob Lusk was going home.
Pictures: "American Idol" Season 10
Special section: "American Idol"
Seacrest did, meanwhile, tease that there had been 60 million votes. Which must have meant that even more little girls had spent all night in their pink, fluffy bedrooms voting even more times for Scotty McCreery.
While Seacrest chatted on, Tyler mouthed to the camera that he loved someone. I am fairly sure it wasn't himself, but would be grateful if someone caught the name of his passion. This could be news.
Then it was time for a group number. It was of the standard of all the other group numbers so far this year - or this decade. The standard of Scotty McCreery's omelet. Please, let me tell you more about that omelet.
There was, you see, a package where the contestants faced the newly smoothed forehead of "Hell's Kitchen" star Gordon Ramsay. In this meaningful scene, the contestants made omelets. Ramsay actually managed to take McCreery's omelet, hold it up, wonder what it was, taste it and regurgitate it back into the trash.
Surely, McCreery hadn't sung for him in a shot that hadn't made the cut.
We were so busy digesting Ramsay's retching that we didn't realize the show was 26 minutes gone. And the elimination process hadn't even begun. Worse, we still hadn't learned who'd won the cooking contest.
Naturally, Seacrest kept the faux-drama going by creating little groups. Which ones would be safe? Which ones would be in jeopardy? To increase the excitement - or, at least, create some - the producers use predictions from the icy mouth of mentor Jimmy Iovine. He predicted, for example, that Lauren Alaina would be in the bottom two.
But she was in the top two of the Gordon Ramsay cooking contest, together with Jacob Lusk. This particular final involved a blind taste test. They did not react well to tofu. But Alaina, who clearly had cooked more than omelet before, came out the winner. Would this be a presager of the final elimination? What symmetry.
But, wait, suddenly there was Jennifer Lopez singing and dancing on stage. On Wednesday, some of the "Idol" contestants had struggled with this singing and dancing thing, but Lopez is an expert. Inevitably, though, one wondered just how much it was her own little voicebox singing and how much there was another box holding a track and helping her along, especially during the more energetic moments.
While Seacrest had muttered that JLo had to change for her performance, this was actually pre-recorded over a week ago and it took not one, but 10 takes to get it right. Still, she sang "On the Floor" and writhed on the floor with consummate professionalism. I am sure she makes a mean omelet too.
Then it was back to the elimination. Lusk was asked to join Alaina in a group. This was nothing to do with their cooking, but more to do with Jimmy Iovine's accurate assessment that Lusk had endured a night far more troubling than his omelet. Surely, Lusk and Alaina would be the bottom two. And so it was.
Alaina's face turned into that of a bereaved bulldog. Then the tears flowed. It took a commercial break to calm her a little, but only a little. She cried again. She couldn't stop crying. Would she do a Casey Abrams if she were eliminated? Would she collapse, wailing to the fates? Would ambulances have to be called? Would she blame someone else's omelet?
When Seacrest announced that it was Lusk going home, Alaina's face described life and death in one quick moment, as she cried a little more. The music business - it's altruism all the way.
Lusk handled his exit with grace. In truth, he had lost his way, perhaps listening to too many people and forgetting what sort of artist he himself thought he should be. His parting song, "A House is Not a Home" was a more confident, more powerful, personal and enjoyable a performance than he'd given for several weeks.
Many will wonder why he couldn't simply have continued to perform this way. Indeed, after the show was over, Lusk reportedly persuaded the house band to carry on while he belted out some more gospel and stunned the theater.
So then, stunningly, there were four. Can you take it any more? The little girls in the pink, fluffy bedrooms can. But what about Alaina?
