Always Victoria, Never Vickie

While I'm on the subject of Cunard cruise ships this week, let's have a closer look at the Queen Victoria, the newest and grandest ship that the venerable cruise company has launched. She just went into service last month in Europe, did a little jaunt around Scandinavia, and then crossed the Atlantic in time to pick up a couple of thousand lucky, wealthy people in New York at the beginning of a 105-day world tour.

Some things you need to know about this new Queen:

She holds 2,000 passengers in 909 staterooms, most of which have balconies in order to wave white handkerchiefs at poor people as one enters and leaves a port. There are 12 decks, several pools and whirlpools, a spa, a Winter Garden lounging area with a retractable roof, and, of course, shuffleboard.

There is a Royal Court Theatre with the first private boxes at sea, in case being on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean isn't private enough for you, and a Royal Arcade shopping area with a Harrod's where you can drop a royal wad of cash. There are eight restaurants, several of which require reservations months in advance, and even then you can't get in unless you know somebody.

And of course, a private bathroom in your room. Really, they've spared no expense on this ship. I'm wildly jealous of anyone who gets to ride on that particular Queen, if you haven't figured that out yet. I wonder if they need an on-board travel guru? Ma'am, have your people call my people.