A Hedge Fund â€" The Perfect Holiday Gift

Last Updated Nov 24, 2010 10:17 AM EST

Black Friday is almost here, that annual event where everyone tries to work off their Thanksgiving dinner by rising at 0:dark:30 to hit the stores in search of holiday gift bargains. But if you're not in the mood this year to huddle in the pre-dawn freezing cold, and are looking for that perfect holiday gift, I have a suggestion to offer. Do you want someone to know they are high status and sophisticated? Then this year, get them a share of the Max Tailwag'er hedge fund for only $99.95.

Why a hedge fund?
Hedge funds are exclusive clubs. To even play, you must assert yourself to be an accredited investor. And, according to the SEC, being an accredited investor means that you either:

Earn an individual income of more than $200,000 per year, or a joint income of $300,000, in each of the last two years, and expect to reasonably maintain the same level of income.

Have a net worth exceeding $1 million, either individually or jointly with his or her spouse.

In addition, hedge funds typically have minimum investments of at least $250,000. Thus, imagine the joy the recipient of this gift will experience when they can drop the fact that they own a hedge fund. Guaranteed pride and instant respect.

Why the Max Tailwag'er hedge fund?
While data is scarce, it appears that most hedge funds do a better job of transferring wealth from investors to hedge fund managers. The Tailwg'er hedge fund, however, is led by a general partner, Max Tailwag'er, seen here with the plaque he received from the Consumers' Research Council of America. Note the Presidential like seal. In the year 2008 alone, Mr. Tailwag'er distinguished himself by making $99.3 billion more than the combined geniuses at AIG.

The differences - guarantees and transparency
Hedge funds rarely come with guarantees. That's one of the areas that set this fund apart from the others, in that it comes with a guarantee to perform as well as Bernie Madoff's sophisticated techniques.

Though few hedge funds are transparent, this one is. We fully disclose your money will be invested in ways to benefit the general partner.

Special offer
So don't wait, if you act early, before December 15, we will throw in a second share for you, the gift giver. It may be more blessed to give than to receive, but it's even better to give and receive.

A serious lesson in this post
Meir Statman, finance professor at Santa Clara University, notes that investors want high status and proper respect, perhaps even more so than economic gain. He explores this in his new book, What Investors Really Want.


The economic case against hedge funds is compelling. If not for irrational investors, I suspect they would only exist for very large institutions investing at very low costs. Hedge funds may make little economic sense, but they actually do provide more than status and respect. They provide the illusion of high returns with little risk. Unfortunately, the emotional well being that illusion brings may be short-lived.

So dial 1-800-RESPECT and be sure to mention the special offer code "Accredited Investor."

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    Allan S. Roth is the founder of Wealth Logic, an hourly based financial planning and investment advisory firm that advises clients with portfolios ranging from $10,000 to over $50 million. The author of How a Second Grader Beats Wall Street, Roth teaches investments and behavioral finance at the University of Denver and is a frequent speaker. He is required by law to note that his columns are not meant as specific investment advice, since any advice of that sort would need to take into account such things as each reader's willingness and need to take risk. His columns will specifically avoid the foolishness of predicting the next hot stock or what the stock market will do next month.