Last Updated Aug 13, 2010 12:14 PM EDT
Apple is being tight-lipped as usual. Some wonder whether Apple will announce a recall. Others think that the company will provide free bumpers that fix the problem, according to Consumer Reports. However, I think Apple should worry more about what not to do.
Whether you think the criticism of the iPhone 4 is reasonable or overblown, it's hard to argue that Apple has shown a tone-deaf PR ineptitude that is as bad as the company's design reputation is good. I mean, when you give a Microsoft (MSFT) executive an opening to compare your product to Vista, you know you're doing something wrong.
In a gesture of good will, I thought it could help to point out a few things that Apple should refrain from during tomorrow's press conference:
- Introduce Apple's new customer satisfaction manager: Dogbert.
- Announce the iPhone 5: An iPhone 4, only wrapped in duct tape.
- Use the phrase, "This changes everything. Again. Again."
- Note that when Chuck Norris holds the iPhone, AT&T has an outage. (Or is that when anyone holds an iPhone?)
- In honor of the fourth generation of the iPhone, offer a $4 discount on the $29 plastic bumper.
- Utter the word "Vista" in any way, shape, or form.
- Call an antenna fix the Apple upgrade for lefties.
- Have Steve Jobs say, "You're getting sleepy. Veeerrrry sleepy."
- Announce the acquisition of Consumer Reports.
- Say that AT&T has users' voice mail hostage and won't let it free until you stop complaining.
- Roll out the Google answer: iPhone 4 is a beta.
- Skype. iPad. Deal with it.
- Tell people to borrow Nick Denton's iPhone prototype.
- How Apple Tried to Play Ministry of Truth on Its iPhone 4 Forum
- Consumer Reports Breaks Up with the Apple iPhone 4
- iTunes Fraud Shows that Apple Is an Unsuccessful Control Freak
- iPhone Problems: Apple Brings Back Its Classic Reality Distortion Field
- iPhone 4 Snafu Is the Latest Sign That Apple's Dysfunctional Customer Relations Will Be Its Downfall