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Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

September 18, 2012 / 12:00 PM CDT / CBS Chicago

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry).

Gemini, the stars are indicating that you have terrible judgment. I hereby order you to go to an expert for all your future decisions: Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper can help quench your thirst, energize you, and decide whether to believe in evolution or not. (Evolution -- legit or crazy liberal myth? It's hard to say!)

Sure, Dr. Pepper got his PHD in Women's Studies from a non-accredited art school, but that doesn't mean his advice is any less valuable.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Saturday at 12 and 2 pm. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows zilch about astrology.