At first glance, Paris seems to be a theme park dedicated to everything beautiful, delicious or chic invented in the last 500 years or so of Western civilization. On close inspection, it lives up to that impression. But Paris has its dirty little secrets. They're not what you think. Keep clicking...
The Music Stinks
It's just like the corny music in glamorous movies starring Audrey Hepburn or Gene Kelly, only the street accordionists now play songs from a slightly later era. Mostly, they play "Sunny" or "The Godfather" theme. It's a relief to find a thing Parisians do badly. It's even worth paying for, but that won't stop them.
Paris Is For Dogs
Especially the French bulldog. Members of this tiny breed have sweet tempers and faces that would scare their own mothers, with buggy eyes and fat tongues. The flat face can make breathing hard, so they snort like pigs. When they get excited, the snorting gets louder until it seems as if they might explode. Don't worry; they're quite happy.
Progress Is Slippery
Pooper scooper laws violate the rights of all free French citizens and their four-legged pals. That's why Paris didn't have any such laws until 2002, and even now they're gently enforced. While strolling the picturesque boulevards and manicured parc paths, watch your step.
Fat Is For Foreigners
Parisians won't divulge how they all stay so slim, but they do, although every block is an obstacle course lined with piles of buttery croissants, plates of greasy frites and other mouth-watering temptations. How does this work? The French aren't talking.
It's A Kiddy City
This may not enhance its racy image, but Paris has plenty to offer children, even very small ones. At left, a giant frog dominates the landscape in the Jardin d'Acclimatation, an amusement park and children's zoo within the Bois de Boulogne. In summer, a carnival operates within the Jardin des Tuileries, and merry-go-rounds are dotted around the city.
Mona's Not Alone
Every day, thousands of tourists race down an endless hall in The Louvre to get to the Mona Lisa. The hall itself, lined with other Italian Renaissance masterpieces, is worth hours, and the rest of this vast museum is stuffed with treasures and relatively clear of visitors. No wonder Leonardo's lady is smiling.
Robespierre Had A Point
Wear sunglasses to shield your eyes from the gilt when you tour Versailles, near Paris. The construction of this outlandishly luxurious palace and grounds outlasted the reigns of several kings, ending abruptly with the beheading of Louis XVI. Now, three million tourists a year take the Metro to stroll through gaudy royal rooms.
Every Day Is Sale Day
You can spend plenty of dough in Paris, but French perfume, wine, linens, designer clothes and fine china all are about half their U.S. cost. The same goes for perishable goodies like pastries, chocolate and cheeses. At left, a toy shop window at the Palais Royal.
It's Not All Sunshine
It's only 213 miles from Paris to London, and the weather often shows it. The city is just as beautiful when it rains, but it puts a crimp into major pastimes like lounging at sidewalk cafes and window-shopping on the Rue de Fauborg Saint Honore. At left, the skyline from the summit of Montmartre.
Parisians Are Real Sweet
Okay, they're sweet if you don't bark at them in English. Learn to say bonjour, merci and au revoir. Repeat these on every occasion. Or, speak English slowly in a sort of Pepe LePew accent. This may work, as the languages have many similar words, and at least it may amuse the listener. If they shrug and walk away, the conversation est finis.