Winning The "Homework Wars"

Every parent knows getting kids to do homework can be a real battle.

But on The Early Show Tuesday, Editor in Chief Stephen Perrine shared a pain-free approach that could help.

At times, he says, it really becomes a war -- of wills. "It can be a huge war, especially when parents don't know the traps that homework presents and how to negotiate them," Perrine says, "but there are solutions."

He answered questions poised by people on the street and recorded by The Early Show:

"HOW DO I GET A 10 YEAR OLD TO SIT STILL AND CONCENTRATE ON HIS HOMEWORK WITHOUT GETTING DISTRACTED BY THE SLIGHTEST NOISE OR ANYTHING?"

One of the best ways is to set aside a time that's only for homework. If you say, 'No play or talking with friends until homework is done,' kids will say homework is done just because they want to play or talk to friends. So, it's better to set aside time that's only for homework. Once the homework is done and checked, kids can do whatever else they want to do.

"SHOULD THE PARENTS OF HIGH SCHOOL KIDS CHECK THEIR HOMEWORK EVERY NIGHT OR SHOULD THEY LEAVE THEM ON THEIR OWN"?

At the beginning of the year, give them a lot of rope. Let them do their homework and leave them alone. But today, most teachers are available to parents through e-mail and going to parent-teacher conferences, and e-mailing teachers will give you sense of how the homework is coming in. If there's a problem, you can better identify it. If there's a problem, you can go to them and address it, so they know their action has consequences. The goal here is not to teach them to be really good at doing homework; the goal is to be good at achieving what they want in life.

SHOULD PARENTS BE CONCERNED THAT MOST KIDS USE THE INTERNET TO RESEARCH THEIR HOMEWORK AND OTHER PROJECTS?

The Internet poses a big problem because, in many schools, the kids are required to use it. In fact, students are using group sessions on Facebook. When a parent identifies a problem with homework, you can check your child's computer to see the Web sites they've been on.

"HOW ON EARTH DO YOU MOTIVATE THEM? DO YOU GIVE INCENTIVES"?

I believe most kids want to do well in school, but they can get discouraged. You must praise them in targeted and specific ways. Don't just say, 'Nice essay.' You should be descriptive and specific with your praise. If they're struggling with something, say, a math problem, tell them you're really proud of how they worked on the problem.

IS BRIBERY A GOOD WAY TO GO?!

No. If they're not doing well is school, you need to get to the underlying issue and figure out why. Plus, as they get older, the bribes have to get bigger and more meaningful, and parents probably can't afford a new car!

HOW DO YOU KNOW THE LINE BETWEEN "HELPING" YOUR CHILD WITH HOMEWORK, AND ACTUALLY DOING IT FOR HIM OR HER?

You want to be your child's homework coach. Parents want their kids to succeed because it reflects well on them. Remove your ego from it and let the child discover how to succeed.

"HOW DO YOU HELP CHILDREN LEARN, WHEN THE WAY YOU WERE TAUGHT IS DIFFERENT FROM THE WAY THEY ARE"?

It's a challenge for every generation of parent. But I think the focus is on letting them teach you, the way they are being taught to work. And as they explain the new math and essay technique, they feel as though they've mastered it, and it gives them confidence.

Make it a team effort: Remind your child that you're not the enemy, says Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, author of "10 Days to a Less Defiant Child." "Let him know you're on his team," he says. Instead of pressuring him, give him a running start: Organize the material, help him do the first few problems, cheerlead as needed. Once a project is partially complete, it doesn't seem so overwhelming.

Play to the child's strengths: If a child is paralyzed by homework, says Bernstein, "Try to encourage her identity as an achiever." Instead of offering vague praise such as, "You're a smart kid," he recommends drawing specific parallels to areas in which the child excels. For example, if your daughter is going for a brown belt in karate, praise her for sticking with it while other kids dropped out, and encourage her to kick the homework in the head.

Resist the urge to punish: Shouting, though often cathartic, is counterproductive. "Never pair something you want a child to do with anything aversive," says Alan Kazdin, PhD, director of the Yale Parenting Center & Child Conduct Clinic and author of "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child." "One of the worst things a teacher can do," says Kazdin, "is have a student write something on the board 100 times."

Speak the right language: Kids relate to stories, not lectures. To win the trust of your son or daughter, suggests Bernstein, share a story about how you hated your seventh-grade math teacher, too. "Make disclosures about times in your life when you procrastinated or felt overwhelmed," Bernstein advises.

Practice, practice, practice: "Ask yourself, 'If I were a homework "coach," how would I approach the problem?" ' suggests Dan Kindlon, PhD, a professor of child psychology at Harvard University and the author of "Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age." And Kazdin suggests starting out slowly, settling for two-minute increments of solid work, and then building from there. "You're not going to get 45 minutes of homework tomorrow," says Kazdin, "but next week, you will."