A weekly commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney.
I guess I never told you this - there are some things we all like to keep to ourselves - but I was briefly in love with Martha Stewart.
It never got into the newspapers because I never told anyone, including Martha. I knew I couldn't do anything about it and I didn't want to hurt her.
Actually, we met only once.
But, she's good-looking, interesting to talk to and one of the most capable people I've ever known. I mean, Martha Stewart knows how to do things.
What I can't understand is, if I liked her so much why do so many people hate Martha Stewart?
Some of the people she works with hate her.
People in the town of Westport, Conn., where she lives, hate her.
Newspaper headline writers hate her. The nastier the headline, the better they like it.
I don't know what Martha's gone and done now. People who are as good at something as she is, ought to stay away from money. It only leads to trouble.
Martha sold some stock just before it took a nosedive and she's being accused of knowing that was about to happen. It's called "insider trading" which is illegal. We'd all like to get in on a little of that.
Martha says she took advice from a young stock broker, but I'm skeptical. Martha doesn't take advice about anything from anyone. When I was on her show I told her how to make good ice cream. Among other things, I told her not to put eggs in it or it's custard. She seemed to understand that.
We had the following exchange:
Martha: "There are no eggs, which - I. like that idea a lot.".
Andy: "There are no eggs."
Andy: "If you put eggs in it it's custard."
Three weeks later I'm watching her on the CBS Early Show and there she is, putting eggs in ice cream.
Martha: "And this is vanilla ice cream 101. It's the best recipe that we could come up with. It's two vanilla beans that are cut and split, 6 egg yolks into the bowl of a mixer."
So much for Martha Stewart taking advice.
I hope Martha didn't do anything wrong. I'd hate to see her go to prison the way Leona Helmsley did.
Of course, I bet she'd have her cell fixed up real nice. And if they had Martha cooking, it would be great for the other prisoners.