This Is Not Funny

I was recently forced to endure some degrading and bigoted dialogue that two men were trying to pass off as jokes. I'm going to repeat those hateful comments, not to make you laugh, but to make a point. So if you're an impressionable youth or are easily offended please stop reading now.

Are you still there? Damn it, I told you to stop reading! It's for your own good. As for the rest of you, remember, this is not funny and if you laugh you're as bad the people who supported segregation and apartheid.

I was flying to Cincinnati and a gentleman sitting next to me said to his colleague, "Hey, you want to hear a Pollack joke?" Yes, he used the P-word.

He continued: "This Pollack catches his wife sleeping with his friend. He grabs a gun, stands at the foot of the bed and sticks the gun to his head. The two lovers start to laugh and he says, 'What are you laughing at? You're next.' "

Thankfully, I'm not Polish, but my wife is and I was appalled that these two Cretans were getting a good laugh at her culture's expense. The Polish people may not be the smartest in the world but the one thing they most certainly are not is promiscuous.

Just as my blood was beginning to boil, they started in with some more offensive banter. The other guy replied, after his sick laughter died down, "What did the Puerto Rican kid get for Christmas? My bike."

If you just laughed at that, then you should take a long look in the mirror. You'll see the true face of racism in America. Some of my best friends have friends who are Puerto Rican. How dare two strangers offend the friendship choices of red-blooded Americans.

Just when I thought this revolting hate speech couldn't get any worse, they started talking about one of the pillars of the African-American community: Tyra Banks.

The first gentleman (and I use that term loosely) said to the other, "Have you seen Tyra's new talk show?"

"No, is it good?" he replied.

"Not bad, but it didn't really touch me. I ended up having to touch myself."

If you think that's funny, then the entire civil rights struggle was in vein. It's just that type of backward thinking that keeps young, beautiful, voluptuous women of color from making it in television these days.

Despite this public display of insensitivity, I did see one sign of hope for the future. As I was deplaning, I noticed four people who were continuing on to Chicago. There was a priest, a rabbi, a lawyer and a homeless transvestite sitting together. (I also noticed a limited number of parachutes.) This diverse group, traveling together in harmony, is the start of a truly American story, where each should be respected, to paraphrase Martin Luther King, "not for the color of their skin but for the content of their character."

Sadly that plane for forced to make a crash landing. I think the rabbi died.