These Scammers Should Write Screenplays
This is not a warning.
I have have too much faith in you to think that you're going to get taken by some Nigerian 419 scam, which urges you to send somebody a "customs fee" or an ATM "activation fee" so that they can send you a suitcase full of cash. People with suitcases full of cash don't give you $10 million in exchange for $200--or even $2,000 in bribes and fees. Honestly, if you're this gullible, you need a trusted friend to keep you away from your keyboard, telephone and the Home Shopping Network. This scam is so well established that there's a web site aimed at helping people mess with the scammers.
But I get these emails all the time, and some of them are just plain funny. I'm convinced that if these con artists could just hitch a ride to Hollywood, they'd strike it big as screenwriters. So, just to give you a Friday giggle, I've grabbed a few juicy quotes from my mailbag. If you've got better ones, please share.
Just FYI, the scammer's comments are in italic. Mine aren't. But, you may have figured that out without me.
Dearest in Christ Jesus. {Preamble about the husband, who deposited $8.5 million in the bank, became a born again Christian and died "after four days." We don't know why. Why any of it, really--why he had $8.5 million; got religion or died. Nor do we know if it's related. ] Recently my Doctor told me that I might not last for the next three months due to my cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. [How does she type?] She wants to give me the $8.5 milion because she heard I was a Christian woman willing to propagate the word of God. [Hallelujah!] and I don't want my family hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. Amen.
Hello Dear. My name is Jamila Mohamed Atif , I am 24 years old girl and an orphan from Sudan. My late father was killed alongside with my beloved mother and our family house burnt down by the rebels during the last crisis in my country when Janjaweed militant came to our house, and this was what sent me away from my country to Burkina Faso as I made my escape only by God's special grace. You can read more about my country in the bbc news(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6469857.stm) [Clever link to the news coverage. Nice touch, Jamila!]
I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother. [Wait. Where'd she come from? Beloved Mom and Dad died together, right?] She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father's File which contained important documents...but the evil bank manager won't give her the money. Therefore, I decide to seek for your help in transferring the money into your bank account while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you.
Whoa....this money comes with a roommate.
FROM REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT, BANK OF GHANA (BOG). This is to notify you that your funds has been programmed for immediate release into your nominated account but we can not transfer this funds direct to your nominated bank account, because we are having a little problem with International Monetary Fund (IMF). isn't everybody?
I must solicit your Confidentiality ... I can use a legal means to present a next of kin of my deceased client. [That would be me.] This is legally possible and would be done in accordance with the laws. And then both of us can share the money, 60% to me and 40% to you.
What? Sounds legal to me.
BANANZA! You have just been awarded,the sum of £950.000.00 in the LG Award 2009, Anniversary Bananza held in May.
I'm a little worried about this one, though:
YOUR EMAIL IDENTITY HAVE WON A PRICE!!
But I'm hoping to pay the price with with the bananza.