The Important Questions

A weekly commentary by CBS News Correspondent Andy Rooney.

Mike is hard-hitting; Ed sweet-talks them. I don't know whether I'm any good at it or not because I never get to interview anyone.

I'd like to have interviewed John Kerry and John Edwards.

"Senators, you were both named John. Wouldn't it make it easier for all of us if we called one of you John and the other Jack?

"Sen. Kerry, your wife seems like a bright and unusual woman - not a typical first lady. She doesn't remind anyone of Martha Washington - or even Laura Bush with a foreign accent. There was a good picture of all of you in the paper the other day.

"Sen. Edward's son was sucking his thumb and Mrs. Kerry leaned over to take it out of his mouth. Would you rather she had let Sen. Edwards take it out? I mean, does your wife make you nervous sometimes, Sen. Kerry?"

I wouldn't expect Sen. Kerry to answer that question honestly, but just asking it would tell us something.

"What about you, Sen. Edwards. You're married. Does Kerry's wife make you nervous?"

"You're a lawyer, Sen. Edwards. Americans have a low opinion of lawyers and of television news broadcasters. The difference is, reporters don't run for president. Is being a lawyer a drawback for you in your campaign?"

I'd have dozens of unimportant questions for both Kerry and Edwards – and try to find out what they're really like.

"Would you tell us the five questions you least like to be asked?"

"Here's a question for both of you. You can tell a lot about people from what they eat for breakfast. Most people who wouldn't dream of having the same thing for dinner every night have the same thing for breakfast every morning. What do you two eat for breakfast?"

"How do you feel about neckties?"

"Are either of you in love with your hair?"

"Sen. Kerry, being president of the United States may be the hardest, most important job in the world. Doesn't it take someone with a huge ego to think he's smart enough to be president?

KERRY: Yes, indeed.

Of course I'd like to ask the same question of President Bush. Does he think he's smart enough?

I'd ask them questions like that, and then afterwards, there are a couple of questions I'd like to ask Lesley Stahl, too.
Written By Andy Rooney. @MMIV, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved